Friday Crankies

At the checkout stand, I wonder

• Does anyone actually believe that you can lose 42 pounds in 2 weeks (without surgery)?


• Why do magazine articles have to give you an odd number of hints? "7 Ways to Better Blowjobs" "Nine Shortcuts to a Cleaner Baby" etc.


• Why do women's magazines so often feature a cover with a 12,000 calorie dessert AND a diet plan?


• WHY NO RED TIC-TACS?


• Does the fact that I like Tic-Tacs make me 78 years old?


• Is there some kind of Kardashian of the Week club? I can't keep all these skanks straight!


• There's nothing quite as cheering as Stars Without Makeup.

Quiz

What do you get when you combine an almost-deaf greyhound mutt with a love for exploring, a blind old man with a tendency to leave the garage door open, and an old lady who can't walk?

An old lady speeding down the street in her nightgown on an electric wheelchair, screaming "GOLDIE" at the top of her lungs.

Ah, well, it makes for a lively day around Casa de los Locos.