My gym's jacuzzi is broken. No big deal to me - I never go in it for the following reasons:
1) Eeew sweaty gym dudes
2) Enough chlorine to strip paint
3) The only time I went in, it ruined my swimsuit in 15 minutes. Really.
At the front desk there is a big sign "The jacuzzi is closed til further notice. We regret blah blah blah..."
Each locker room door and each locker room ALSO have signs.
And the jacuzzi itself has the steps cordoned off with yellow caution tape and a sawhorse-thingy with a sign saying the jacuzzi is closed BY ORDER OF THE HEALTH DEPARTMENT.
AND the jacuzzi is streaked with brown clods of diatomaceous earth from the filter system, which is why it is closed. It looks disgusting.
Are you getting the picture? The jacuzzi is very firmly, completely and utterly closed.
Last night during aqua aerobics class, a guy with a mullet and board shorts strolled out of the locker room, apparently looked at the closed sign, walked over to the button that turns on the jets, punched the button and went and put his legs in the jacuzzi.
Nancy and I looked at each other.
"Eeeeew," I said. "Can he not read?"
"Male dumbass syndrome," said Nancy.
Next thing we knew, Mullethead had submerged himself in the jacuzzi.
Then another guy came out of the locker room. HE got in the jacuzzi.
Between telling us to keep moving and breathe (I dunno why aerobics instructors tell us to breathe. I am always breathing), our instructor Deb called the front desk to get someone to boot the losers out.
They were sitting there in water filled with filth from the filter system, water that had not been cleaned or chlorinated in at least a week. I guess it is still warm for some reason.
The desk staff reacted with their usual aplomb and efficiency, which meant not at all.
By now, the whole class was hooting and catcalling at the jacuzzi losers. If you don't want to be bothered in life, don't do stupid stuff in front of a class of older women. Just don't.
Finally Mullethead realized something was up (!) and looked around with The Look of the Terminally Dim. He got out of the jacuzzi and walked over and GOT IN THE POOL.
"Eeeeew," the class moaned. The only thing worse than seeing someone soak in filth is to have the filthy person bring their ook into your clean swimming pool.
But you know how they say there's someone for everyone?
Soon enough, Mullethead had struck up a conversation with Iris, the Fox-News-loving, Glenn-Beck-worshiping woman who thinks Sarah Palin should be president because she is "so pretty."
I think they might make a Love Connection! (And next thing you know, they will probably be breeding. So it goes.)