08 October 2009

Things that I wish people at work would quit doing

1. Heating up 3-day old fish leftovers in the microwave. As my dad would say, charmingly, "That is enough to gag a maggot."

2. Using the bathroom as the water cooler. Quit standing around with your friends and chatting in the bathroom. Other people are here to, um, take care of business. Good gosh, we HAVE a water cooler in the break room. Go over there.

3. Using the bathroom as a phone booth. If you are talking on phone in the bathroom, I promise you this: I will try to make every LOUD and DISGUSTING noise possible. Why? Because it cracks me up. Another Hot Mess has some other great hints for making bathroom life pleasant.

4. Coming to work sick. We have gone over this before, I believe. STAY HOME. GERMS. DO NOT WANT.

5. Having loud personal conversations. We work in a cube farm. EVERYONE CAN HEAR EVERYTHING. Yes, I agree that your cousin should not have gotten pregnant by that bastard Daniel while he was having sex with two other women on the side, but maybe everyone within a 30 foot radius should not know that. Just saying.

6. Wearing that godawful cologne. If two people tell you that you smell good, there are ten others who wish you would tone down the perfume. It is an enclosed space, people. Remember that there are people whose noses actually WORK who inhabit the office with you.

Thank you for your cooperation.

4 comments:

Rachel said...

I could add to that list.

(But I have to admit, I was the one who heated up leftover homemade crab cakes in the microwave only to face ridicule. They were only a day-old, though.)

meno said...

I'm shocked to know that people are still doing this stuff. I had hoped they had quit when i retired.

No?

Catootes said...

Oh This:
3. Using the bathroom as a phone booth.
Or sitting in the stall and texting.

We can hear those noises, we know you are there.

Skye said...

Or maybe everyone within a 30 foot radius SHOULD know that so they can stay away from Daniel.

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