23 June 2009

All wet

My aqua aerobics partner-in-crime is Diana, a mischevous, bright-eyed special ed teacher.

We always in trouble with Cheryl, the control freak instructor, for running our yaps while we exercise. We get in water fights, crack each other up and generally behave as if we are 13 years old. But somehow we always get a good workout.

Today Diana was on the verge of being late to class. She walked to the edge of the pool and stepped off into the water.

Unfortunately, she stepped off right next to this hellish German woman. I mean, she isn't hellish because she is German (though my dad did have to go kick those bastards' butts back across the Rhineland in 1944), but because she is an uptight cranky old cow.

She doesn't come to class to work out. Instead, she always latches on to some poor unsuspecting fellow student and talks their ear off for the whole class in this whiny, complaining way she has, all the while moving her arms a couple times a minute so it looks like she is exercising.

I know because she caught me one day and it was horrible. Ever since, I have refused to make eye contact with her lest she draw me in with her Tractor Beam of Bad Personality.

ANYWAY, Diana made a *gasp* splash when she got in.

The German upbraided her severely. She went into a tirade about how she had just come from the salon, you see, where she had gotten her hair done. Right before coming to the swimming pool.

Her hair was this spiky Calvin in Calvin-and-Hobbes looking thing, and NOW IT WAS SPLASHED WITH WATER.

I kept catching Diana's eye as she was getting an earful and making juvenile faces at her over The German's shoulder.

Diana apologized profusely and managed to move away, but The German circled back for more.

"The sign," she said, pointing angrily, "says NO DAIFFFINK!"

Since when is stepping off the edge into the pool "diving"? No wonder the Chinese have been kicking the German's butts in that Olympic event for the past few decades.

And since when does someone go to a SWIMMING POOL where 40 people are splashing to the oldies and expect that they will be completely, 100 percent safe from getting their hair wet?

After laughing for the whole hour, I told Diana "I am SO blogging this."

Stay tuned for more adventures from Jerks at the Gym. Next up: "Yoga Class - You're In My Spot."


Sister Wolf said...

Would it be possible to get a photo of the German? Does your phone have a camera? I feel this story cries out for a photo of the coiffure (thank god for the spell-check feature!)

super des said...

If you go to the salon BEFORE a class in a pool, you deserve your hair to get wet. Just sayin.

meno said...


You should have a t-shirt that says that made for Cheryl.

Project Christopher said...

ROFL! This is so funny! I think it's also funny that while you and I have never met face to face, I can SO see you saying the words "uptight cranky old cow".... and that's probably why I did a spit take with my diep pepsi on my desktop!

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