I was having lunch with three friends when a man at the table behind us changed subjects from "How Much I Hated Having an MRI" to "Something That Came Out My Ass."
Yes, right in the middle of my chile relleno, this middle-aged cable guy started telling his friend, in graphic detail, about something that he looked down and saw in the toilet.
Our friends across the table couldn't hear it, but James and I could. We sat there in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds, then started to try not to laugh.
We snorted. Our shoulders shook.
And then, all of a sudden, we busted loose. I think it hit us simultaneously - this guy is talking about a crap he took, and we're trying to be polite? Aw, hell no.
James and I started laughing loud and long as Rachel and Matt looked at us, uncomprehending.
The man with the impressive crap realized what was going on after a minute, and stood up, offended, and stomped off with his poor, shit-beleagured friend. I guess he showed us!
After James and I filled Matt and Rachel in on what had happened (if you want to know the exact quote, email me. I cannot in good conscience put it out on the public pixelsphere), Matt asked "How does that even come up?"
I said "You know all those conversations where you start "Hey, Suebob, have I ever told you about this thing that came out my ass one time?"
I don't know how we ever finished our tacos. OMG, my people. OMG.