25 April 2008

Confession Time

I have mentioned that I don't have a TV. When I tell people that, they always tell me how they only watch "good" stuff on television, as if I don't have a TV because I am so Very Above It All.

Let me tell ya, folks, I hate to disappoint, but I am not filling in my potential TV-watching hours with a long, thoughtful study of Jacques Derrida or pondering the structural beauty of the Iliad.

I gave up TV for 2 reasons:
1) I am too cheap to pay for cable. The cable bill irks me in a way that I cannot explain. I think it should be $8 and it is closer to $50. And if you want to watch that Ari Gold lose his mud in Entourage on HBO, you have to shell out even more.

2) I will watch such trashy shows that I embarrass myself. Honestly. I won't watch Jerry Springer or COPS or that kind of crap, and I am not fan of stupid sitcoms. I would rather drink white zinfandel from a box than watch "According to Jim." But reality TV was made for me. Manufactured drama is like catnip to me.

When I lived with the exMrStapler, we had cable, lots of it. He would work away upstairs at his porn collection something important and I would be downstairs with the volume turned way down, sucking up some America's Next Top Anorexic.

If he came down, he would declaim my viewing habits. Loud and long. He would stomp around the kitchen, practically yelling "Why do you WATCH THIS JUNK??" for minutes at a time, thus causing me to miss Katarzyna's tearful conversation with Whitney.

I developed a strategy. I would find my Reality Crap show and, on another channel something educational and boring, like "A Natural History of Ants." I would set the remote so I could flip back and forth using the "Last" button (yes, it is good for something!)

Then when I heard the ExMrS's tread on the stairs, I would flip from watching my girls to the Ant Show. The exMrS would peer at the TV, look puzzled, grab his Diet A&W Cream Soda and go back to spanking it making Excel spreadsheets, at which point I would flip back to my cotton candy brain-bliss.

Which brings me to the sad fact that I have gotten sucked into the most retrograde and horrible of all shows: The Bachelor. It is available online. Sigh. I suppose I have to accept that I have a problem and just deal with it. My brain is mush in my head, that's my only explanation.

But tell me - who is it going to be? I'm betting on Shayne. Tell me if you have a guess and I'll tell you why I think that in the comments.

24 April 2008

Enough already

Jumping jiminey, blogger, ENOUGH with the word verification.

I mean "yxucwxww"??

Is that really necessary? Can't you tell in 4 characters if I am a human or not?

23 April 2008

Just like that

I have Seasonal Affective Disorder, so winter is a bit hellish for me.

But now the days are finally long enough. It happened Tuesday with the suddenness of a popcorn hull coming loose from under your gum *POP* and all was right with the world.

Since then, I have organized my CD collection, vacuumed the cracks and crevices, begged and gotten some great freelance work, called a bunch of old friends, started planning a mini-vacay to Washington DC, and started working out in earnest.

It's amazing what a little sunlight can do.

21 April 2008

A shoutout for childless women

The BlogHer 08 schedule has been released and I am so happy to see a panel discussion on Being Childless in the Blogosphere."

Edited to add: AND I'M GOING TO BE ON IT!! My head is spinning with happiness.

It's about time. I mean, if Mommyblogging is a radical act, what does that say about being a not-mommyblogger? An un-mommyblogger? Are we excluded from being radicals? Or are we all fooling ourselves by thinking that sitting behind a keyboard and spooling out our thoughts is a radical act at all?

Maybe not radical, but powerful. I have seen so many women bond over blogging, start businesses together, become BFFs, travel to meet each other, break their boundaries, stand up, speak out, become more of what they are meant to be. In that way, blogging is beautiful.

Ok, ok, I got off track. Back to the childless thing. What are the words for being without a child? Is there even a way to say it without referring to children? Barren? That doesn't sound quite right, and still points to the idea that women are expected to bear children.

I need a word for what I am that doesn't include children or the idea of children in it, because, really, I am where I am because I haven't really thought about children that much. They are just not in my consciousness. I was going to say "not that important to me" but then I envisioned scrolling down through a yard of "preshus childrun" trollmail...

Children are just not what I am about. I made up my mind a long time ago that I wasn't here to breed and I never wavered. Ok, maybe for about 5 minutes when I met Mr. Mojo, but that was just because I had never dated anyone as cute or as blonde before.

So spinster, barren, childless, whatevs. But I am certainly not "chi1dfree" because OMG those ppl NUTS! (I was going to link but I fear. If you doubt, just google "chi1dfree" and you'll see what I mean).

Check out some of the charming terms they use:
Breedermobile -- Any vehicle that transports children around. Usually refers to a mini van or a monstrous SUV.

Breederville -- Any city, town or subdivision that is predominantly full of people with kids. Places we would rather not live!

Entitlemoo -- Entitlement-minded mother who thinks everyone should worship the ground she walks on and give her everything she wants and make her life as easy as possible because she's convinced that giving birth earns her the right to be treated like a queen.

Holy cats. I would rather be trapped on an airplane in coach for 6 hours with Sarah AND the Goon Squad than to ever hear one adult call another "entitlemoo." Gag me with a wad of self-righteous dipshittery, why don't you?

All this rambling is to just say - hey, yay, I'm excited to have a panel at BlogHer that relates to my life and doesn't involve Kegels. Should be fun.

20 April 2008

Another God joke

A United States Senator who worked hard for many years to serve his constituents dies while in office.

When he gets to heaven, God tells him that he has done a good job and that he wants to reward him.

"Senator, your reward that you can ask me one question. Is there anything you would like to ask?"

The Senator thinks for a moment and then says, "Well, yes, there is. One thing I always wanted to do while I was in office was to ensure health care for everyone. Will the people of the United States ever get universal health care?"

"Yes," God says. "But not in my lifetime."


I have a small kitchen and don't have much specialized cooking equipment or dinnerware. But one thing I always look forward to getting down from the high shelf is the asparagus platter, for that means that spring is here!

The plate is designed for steamed asparagus. The little impressions of asparagus on the plate allow any clinging water to channel away from the spears. And the pocket on the side is for delicious sauce.

My favorite way of making asparagus is to roast it under the broiler or in a hot oven. Coat the spears with a little olive oil, put them under the broiler and turn them as they start to get brown and spotty. Take them out when they have a few brown spots all over. I like the big fat juicy ones.

For sauce I have recently become addicted to mayo with a little Smoked Spanish Paprika mixed in. Ok, a lot of Smoked Spanish Paprika (I use about 1/2 tsp to every 2 tbsp of mayo). It tasted better if you make the sauce a few hours before so the paprika can meld with the mayo. It is also a pretty pink red color. Cross-posted at Snackish


The new washer? It is large. It is quiet. It has 5 speeds. It will pre-soak and do 2 rinses. I am having a passionate affair with the new washer. Something that feels so right just can't be wrong, can it?

I put the old one out on the curb on Weds. and called the trash company to pick it up, which I thought would be on trash day (Friday). Nope, pick-up day is Tuesday.

If I lived in a normal neighborhood, I would worry about neighbors flipping over looking at an old washer for a week. But I live here in Dead Shopping Cartville, so no worries.

Actually, my main concern was that some needy person would go to the trouble of hauling it home and hooking it up, only to find out about all its "issues."

So I put a sign on it in english and spanish - "Works but leaks and makes A LOT of noise." (Sirve pero se sale agua y hace mucho ruido - feel free to correct my Spanish).

No matter. It was gone within 24 hours. God bless the scavengers of this world.
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