21 February 2008

Hillary's Scary Idea

When I arrived home at Casa de Suebob tonight, I was wet, tired and hungry, but not furious.

THAT didn't last long.

I got out of the car and went to the mailbox, which is one of the kind about the size and shape of a cereal box but with a flip-up lid on top.

It had been raining all day and the lid was left up, which turned the mailbox into sort of a lidless bucket. The wad of mail - and I do mean "wad" - inside had turned to a greyish ball the texture of papier mache.

It was the second time that had happened this month.

I stomped into the house, wrote a note, put it in a plastic ziplock bag and clipped it to the front of the mailbox.

"If it is raining, please put the lid down," I wrote, not adding "you stupid piece of donkey crap" as I was very, very tempted to do.

I did realize, however, that the incompetent letter carrier was in control of whether I receive my mail or not, so restraint was in order if I ever wanted to get my credit card bill.

Take a vast leap of imagination with me and let me say that this is why I am deeply skeptical about Universal Health Care.

While I love the idea of every American having access to good, affordable health care, I fear having employees that are on the public payroll in charge of it.

I think of every filthy, glacially slow and inept Social Security office I have ever visited; the barely functioning drones at the post office; the hell that is the DMV - and I think - "Do I want these people poking around in my innards if I get appendicitis?"

I would almost rather poke around my OWN insides should I get something that requires surgery on my front side. Or let the butcher at the carniceria down the street operate if I have to have another spinal surgery. He seems clean and good with his hands.

But federal employees? Hell no. I have seen what they can do with a handful of mail.

20 February 2008

What not to wear, Suebob-style

I'm not exactly a fashionista, but it doesn't take Carson Kressley to spot these fashion faux pas:

If you're going for the tough Harley rider look, try something other than tasseled loafers for footwear. It totally ruins the effect.

Your formal wedding will surely be marred if you forget to tuck in your tail. Your husband's rude friends may start drunkenly commenting on what a dog he is marrying.

19 February 2008

Good advice

My new car magnet for the BlueMobile:

"Wag More. Bark Less."
It will go on the back where Goldie rides.

18 February 2008

The Great Interview Experiment

Some centuries back, I agreed to participate in Neil of Citizen of the Month's Great Interview Experiment.

The idea is that random bloggers interview other bloggers and spread the bloggy love around. My interviewer is Lori Madison of Rural Peace. I am interviewing Jenn Satterwite of Mommy Needs Coffee.

Without further ado, here is Lori's interview of me:

What writer, alive or dead would you like to slap and why?
Oh, might as well start off with heresy. You know how I am.

The Apostle Paul and his busybody little letters. Epistles, as they are called. Dude didn’t even KNOW Jesus and yet he acts like he’s the final word on everything. What Jesus said was pretty straightforward, then Paul had to come along and muck it all up. Thanks for 20 centuries of war and hatred, man. Appreciate it.

If you could create your own reality just for one day, what would that reality be like? Would birds talk? Could you move objects with your mind, etc?
My religious tradition (Unity) says that I create my own reality EVERY day, so I guess I am stuck with the one I have. It isn’t so bad. I could use more beach time, though.

You can breathe underwater, and no underwater predators can harm you, and you could swim at any depth without ill effects, where in the world would you go to swim?
Bora Bora. I have always wanted to go there and this seems like the perfect chance.

What is the oddest thing someone ever said to you?
“I never meant for it to get this serious,” said my boyfriend of 3 years while we were breaking up. Huh? You think you might have told me sometime BEFORE I wasted 3 years on your lazy stoner ass?

You are on a bus when suddenly someone stands up takes a gun out of their pocket and announces they are hijacking the bus, what is the very first thought that enters your mind?
“I think I can take him.”

17 February 2008

Think of the children!

This is the letter to the editor that made me laugh until I wept this morning:
Safety goggles missing

Re: Steve Greenberg's Feb. 10 cartoon:

I have a bone to pick with this cartoon. It depicted the Democratic donkey as a sculptor with a mallet and chisel trying to decide if he should carve first "woman" or first "black" president on an unfinished statue. Greenberg didn't draw the donkey wearing safety goggles. Children will see this cartoon and perhaps try their hand at carving without goggles and lose an eye. Greenberg needs to think of eye safety before he takes up his pen and inks.

— [Name redacted], Oak View

I'm going to make this guy an honorary member of my group N.O.T.S.A.F.E. - the National Organization To Save Americans From Everything.
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