02 June 2008

A modest proposal

Hot on the heels of a post in which I call for more kindness LOL...

I think the actual lifespan of people, if we were living more in harmony with nature, would be about 45. You've raised your kids and they are spawning - so your time is up.

At least that's the way it works with many plants and animals, right? And in personal terms, every single day my body (I'm 46) tells me its prime is over in a new, more humiliating and painful way.

So anything above 45 is extra, isn't it? A bonus.

Unfortunately, this leads to overpopulation. We have boatloads of people living to be 95 and 100. I don't have a problem with that, but gosh, there are a mighty lot of them, and some of them, unfortunately, aren't that nice.

I have a modest proposal to thin the herd:

When anyone turns 45, they have to defend their lives. They have to stand in front of a 9-person panel and present what they have done so far. They can call witnesses, put on a multimedia presentation, submit a resume, whatever.

And if anyone has a complaint, they can speak, too.

At the end, the panel makes a simple decision: live, or die. You have 45 years to get it right. If you have contributed, loved well, been kind, then you get to stay. Probably 95% of people would get to live, but the ugly few wouldn't make the cut.

Adios, amigos. Nice knowing you. The man will be meeting you in the blue juice room to send you away forever. Sleep well.

Wouldn't the world be a much better place without the rotten 5 percent? The 5 percent who are responsible for all of locking our doors, safety-sealing our food, standing in lines for airport security? The 5 percent who abuse kids and animals, who drink up the family's rent money, who break things just for the sake of breaking them?

Who is with me on this one? And can we start with this guy?

21 comments:

Shamelessly Sassy said...

best. idea. ever.

Bri said...

First of all, the title cracks me up. I can remember the first time I read that and how horrified I was...I think your idea is better. ;) It blows my mind that there are people out there like that...so full of hate, actually makes me sick to my stomach.

mothergoosemouse said...

I dig it, but I have to admit I wouldn't expect such a proposal from you (because you are nicer than I am).

meno said...

I am with you, although i might die, being over 45.

Julie said...

I'd agree with you, but I am much less of an ass at 47 than I was in my 20's. My opinion could be based on the fact that I saw an episode of "Sweet 16" on MTV though.

Maggie said...

I'd just be a little worried that one of those guys, like Phelps, would somehow (maybe with money and power) end up on the panel.

But you know, if we could gaurantee a perfect panel...

super des said...

I'm with ya, mainly because I have some time to get my act together. But Maggie brings up a good point. How do we know who's on the panel?

Average Jane said...

A little "Logan's Run" twist!

As for Phelps, just be glad you don't live in Kansas, 'cause if you did, you'd end up running into that crowd IN PERSON way too often. Believe me, that's nothing something you want.

g said...

And then can we eat them?

Seriously, girl, you are BAD!

lizgwiz said...

I'm all for anything that removes Fred Phelps from the planet. Can he be followed by Ann Coulter, posthaste?

Mayberry said...

You should turn this into a screenplay. For serious!

TraceyTreasure said...

There's GOT to be an island somewhwere to put them all and they can kill each other because they're all meany butt poop heads. Great idea Suebob! You're a keeper!! Hugs!
BTW, I read Julie's comment and I have to ditto it.

TraceyTreasure said...

Not people 45 or over, people like that guy for THE island! Seriously, I had to clarify!! Sorry!

QT said...

I think we should get married. I'll cook for you every night.

bacioni said...

I'm 46.
I'm with you on the plan.
And, (assuming you pass the panel) how's about a little vial of blue juice to take with you, in case you just get tuckered out from trying to survive the assholes?

Mamalujo said...

I just turned 46 this past April. I probably wouldn't make it past the panel. You're not serious though, right?

SUEB0B said...

@mamalujo - I think I'd have a hard time getting it on the ballot LOL. Here is the original "A Modest Proposal" http://art-bin.com/art/omodest.html

Mignon said...

I just wrote you in as a my selection for the democratic nomination. I like your platform.

MsLittlePea said...

Oh him. I saw a documentary about his followers a couple months ago and it creeped me out.

Kristin said...

It's very Logan's Run of you... also, in 7 years, I would probably be dead...

whall said...

I guess I'm fine with it as long as I get to be on the panel. And that I know the panel agrees with all of my views. And the panel changes with the times. And the panel can be bribed for my family.

Don't we all want unchanging, unwavering agreement? If you don't agree with this view, you should be killed. :) with spaghetti noodles.

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