25 April 2008

Confession Time

I have mentioned that I don't have a TV. When I tell people that, they always tell me how they only watch "good" stuff on television, as if I don't have a TV because I am so Very Above It All.

Let me tell ya, folks, I hate to disappoint, but I am not filling in my potential TV-watching hours with a long, thoughtful study of Jacques Derrida or pondering the structural beauty of the Iliad.

I gave up TV for 2 reasons:
1) I am too cheap to pay for cable. The cable bill irks me in a way that I cannot explain. I think it should be $8 and it is closer to $50. And if you want to watch that Ari Gold lose his mud in Entourage on HBO, you have to shell out even more.

2) I will watch such trashy shows that I embarrass myself. Honestly. I won't watch Jerry Springer or COPS or that kind of crap, and I am not fan of stupid sitcoms. I would rather drink white zinfandel from a box than watch "According to Jim." But reality TV was made for me. Manufactured drama is like catnip to me.

When I lived with the exMrStapler, we had cable, lots of it. He would work away upstairs at his porn collection something important and I would be downstairs with the volume turned way down, sucking up some America's Next Top Anorexic.

If he came down, he would declaim my viewing habits. Loud and long. He would stomp around the kitchen, practically yelling "Why do you WATCH THIS JUNK??" for minutes at a time, thus causing me to miss Katarzyna's tearful conversation with Whitney.

I developed a strategy. I would find my Reality Crap show and, on another channel something educational and boring, like "A Natural History of Ants." I would set the remote so I could flip back and forth using the "Last" button (yes, it is good for something!)

Then when I heard the ExMrS's tread on the stairs, I would flip from watching my girls to the Ant Show. The exMrS would peer at the TV, look puzzled, grab his Diet A&W Cream Soda and go back to spanking it making Excel spreadsheets, at which point I would flip back to my cotton candy brain-bliss.

Which brings me to the sad fact that I have gotten sucked into the most retrograde and horrible of all shows: The Bachelor. It is available online. Sigh. I suppose I have to accept that I have a problem and just deal with it. My brain is mush in my head, that's my only explanation.

But tell me - who is it going to be? I'm betting on Shayne. Tell me if you have a guess and I'll tell you why I think that in the comments.

8 comments:

super des said...

I totally used to use the "last" button when I was a kid watching MTV, which was "banned" in my house. The trick is to press "last" then up or down so your parents or boyfriend can't find you out.

Hilly said...

Here's how bad I am....I think it's gonna be that dark brunette chick but I don't even know her name, haha!

I can't see it being Shayne because she is far too young. I would like it to be Chelsea because she is far too cool. But I think it will be no-name because she's the one I want to win the least and that ALWAYS tends to happen!

g said...

My husband and son watch TV a lot - sports mostly - but I barely know how to change channels on the thing. It's actually annoying, because if my husband goes out of town and I want to watch the news, I don't know how to get to the channel. I'm strictly an NPR girl for news.

I did have a passion for watching "The Sopranos" when it was on, but after it ended, the spell of TV was broken.

Blog Antagonist said...

Well I admitted watching Idol to the whole world and the universe did not implode so I think you'll be okay.

meno said...

You're funny when you're snarky.

Excel spreadsheets indeed.

Suzanne said...

Totally addicted to America's Next Top Model marathons on MTV. It's good stuff. Also, a sucker for The Biggest Loser and Survivor. There is something about reality competitions that sucks my diminishing brain capacity in. Honestly, though, commercials for "The Hills" makes me wonder why anyone would watch a group of young people in a bar with loud background noise. It looks insanely boring.

And this post increased my dislike of exMrS. How dare he judge you for your guilty pleasures! I hope his wanker gets stuck in a hard drive somewhere.

Andrea said...

I don't know what's worse, how you'd feel bad for what you watched or how exMrStapler would browbeat you for your viewing preferences. Who cares if you're watching something vapid and shallow? It's not like YOU'RE vapid and shallow! It's not like that stuff would change your behavior. It's not like you treat real people and real life like it's reality tv.

Am I defending too hard? Yeah, I have no shame at the tv I watch, though I'm not much for the reality TV except for Biggest Loser. But I happen to have learned a lot from TV, mostly from Discovery and TLC (before they went all home improvement on me).

KiKi said...

Yeah! I second what Andrea said.

I'll be right back to finish my comment after Punk'd goes off.

Back to top