27 April 2008

Adventures in Dogwalking Pt. 63

The Scene: Down by the harbor

The Players: Suebob, a large, slow-moving object and Miss Goldie, a canine blur of fur

Goldie and I walked around the harbor, so she could search for squirrels in the rocks, her favorite activity. After about 20 minutes, we went over to the boat ramp, where people can back their boat trailers down into the water.

We had done this before and it was fine. I stood on the ramp while Goldie walked into the water to cool off. But when we did it before, the tide was high. Today it was Not, though I didn't realize this until it was Too Late.

Goldie saw the water and bolted for it. I trotted down the ramp behind her...until I hit the wet part. It was covered in brown moss and I suddenly felt as if the bottoms of my sneakers had had bacon strips stapled to them. Within seconds, I had done a classic pratfall (without the prat part), my feet flying up and my butt coming down.

Then I slid about 7 feet down the ramp on my back until my heels were at the water's edge. Goldie calmly waded about, regarding me with curiosity.

At this point, I was lying on my back on a damp, moss-covered incline with my backside covered in goo.

I tried my best to maintain my dignity (Oh, yeah, right, WHAT dignity?) and I attempted to stand up on the bacon-like surface. Eventally I righted myself and took sliding microsteps up the ramp to the dry, non-slippery area, waddling like a penguin.

Wearily, I headed back to the car and found a blanket to sit on. I was juggling the blanket, the leash and the car door when Goldie saw a squirrel behind me and took off.

The squirrel leapt over some giant PVC pipes that were in the field next to my car with Goldie in hot pursuit, the leash handle having been yanked out of my hands.

The next thing I knew, Goldie had wedged herself between two slick, waist-high PVC pipes. Her back legs were dangling between the pipes as her front legs scrabbled uselessly, trying to get a grip, as shown below in the Absolutely Accurate Scale Drawing:

I had to climb my mossy, damp butt over the top of the pipes and lift my 70 pound dog out from between them. I was almost crying, thinking that she had probably broken a hip or something.

Wrong. She bounded off, looking for squirrels. I limped back to the car, looking for Advil. Will she ever learn? Will I? Stay tuned for further Adventures in Dogwalking and find out!

16 comments:

lizard. dot lizard. said...

we should go dog-walking sometime! i've been meaning to do more walking, my dog and i both have the tendency to be on the chubby side :)

super des said...

Ouch. I felt it when you fell, as I have done that exact thing, with or without the dog.

Chicky Chicky Baby said...

My main goal in life is to rid you of that flex leash, Suebob. ;)

Velma said...

I'm sorry, I stopped reading when I saw the word "bacon." Mmmmmm.

(Not really, and I'm glad no one involved cracked a hip.)

mar said...

i knew there was a reason i didn't like bacon.
glad you're both okay. love the scale drawings.

meno said...

This sounds like an advanced dog walking manoeuver.
Don't try this at home.

Day Dreamer said...

I'm sooo sorry.

I am glad you are both okay...but..that vision of Goldie taking you for a drag into the water...I'm still giggling....

Blog Antagonist said...

That is the very definition of a bad day. I hope you treated yourself to a steaming hot bath and an nice glass of wine when you got home.

The bacon analogy? Very apt.

barbra said...

great diagram... I understand completely... and I'm glad it didn't happen to me! So sorry!

Kizz said...

Oh, so many stories to match this. So sad when dogwalking goes bad. Snowy steps in a blizzard while exiting the park with a snow loving dog. No one's fault but I ended up with a bruised but and snow in my underwear.

g said...

Ouch! Hope you and dog are OK.

Average Jane said...

Yikes! I didn't know dogwalking was so hazardous.

Suzanne said...

Oofda. I am glad that everyone is OK; I don't like bacon; and I love your drawings more than ever. Please, please, please put together a little book of your drawings and stories and have it published.

jessica said...

"without the prat part" - HAHAHAHA!

Glad neither of you were seriously hurt!

KiKi said...

HAHAHAHAHAAA..........
The best part is that you illustrated it.

West Coast Grrlie Blather said...

Ouchy! Glad you're both okay. And ditto on the drawings...they're great.

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