23 March 2008

I'm not sure how to say this

This may be my most controversial blog post ever.

I don't want to offend anyone or drive off readers, but there is something I have to get off my chest and I can't hold back any longer.

I'll just say it.

I kind of miss pantyhose.

Whaaaa?

Yes, I am the last of a dying breed. Ladies who like pantyhose.

I know it isn't a popular idea. Young women would rather go without pants than be forced to wear pantyhose.

They just won't do it for love or for money. I see them with their little milk-white legs turning blue in the cold wind, covered in goosebumps. But you could offer them a lifetime supply of Hanes Her Way and they would say "No way." A lifetime supply for them is zero pairs.

I have cursed the hose myself. They don't fit right. They are either too light or too dark. They shred at the blink of an eye. They're expensive.

Yes, all of that. But they also make you legs look smooth and tan, and they keep you warm.

I hate having bare feet inside my shoes. It squeems me in a way that I cannot even begin to explain.

Now we have come to the real evil. Ladies of a certain age are aware that nylons are out, but they don't want to go without. So they wear tights or colored hose. Even when it looks like hell.

Today at the gas station I saw a lady in her Easter best. A peach pastel flowered dress. A peachy rose corsage. And navy blue nylons. Noooooo!

It's time to bring back Nude and Sheer and Taupe. For those of us who have pasty white, spotty or otherwise frightening legs, I beg you. Let us wear pantyhose. They aren't that bad.

Are they?

29 comments:

Mayberry said...

I wore some yesterday (I also did not want to freeze to death) and my 5-year-old was fascinated. She said "When I get big can we share these?" So pantyhose may live on...

Suzanne said...

Oh, I love pantyhose. Although I think they are utterly useless against cold, they are very good at covering my feet (I hate bare feet in dress shoes) and protecting my thighs from chafing each other. Plus, I think they look nice. Long live pantyhose!

Heather B. said...

I usually wear some good thick tights in the winter. With skirts or a dress and boots. In the summer though? I spend a lot of time in DC flittering around and I would probably suffocate from the toes right on up if I wore pantyhose. Ew. Even thinking about it now is making me all sweaty.
So I understand not wearing them in the summer but in the fall/winter? I need them.

Average Jane said...

I still wear them when I have to. I have a couple of light-colored suits with skirts, and neither one of them looks right with tights. I do like black tights with other skirted outfits, though.

lizgwiz said...

I HATE pantyhose. I promised myself long ago I would never take a job that required me to wear them. And, this may be TMI, but I haven't had a yeast infection since I stopped wearing them a few years ago. And I had them a LOT before that. I will very occasionally wear black tights, but that's it.

Lisa said...

It has been so long since I've worn a skirt or dress. I don't think I've even bought a pair of pantyhose in at least a year.

You know, I think those young chicks will change their tune after they get older and notice those "purty" purple skinny, squiggly lines on their legs. :-)

Hilly said...

Doesn't it feel better to admit it? Once I took the "banana clip" plunge last week, I was immediately relieved that my secret was out.

Mamma said...

My theory is that if it's warm enough for a dress or skirt then I don't need hose. Otherwise?? I'm all about pants.

lotus07 said...

Personally, I would rather see you without your pantyhose.....wait a minute...that didn't come put right......

Jhianna said...

I've managed to design my wardrobe around pants, jeans, and the occasional long skirt. So long that I can get by with tall boots or even the dreaded old-lady knee-highs.

I hated pantyhose with a passion back in the day when I worked in a business dress office. Can't say that I'd willingly go back either. But you're right - with a shorter skirt, I can't imagine letting these pasty white legs out for the world to see. :D

meno said...

That's it! I'm never coming here again. I can't believe you said that. Don't you know that pantyhose are a tool of the devil?

Day Dreamer said...

My daughter loves to wear them, she thinks they're cool.

She's only six, tho.

I still wear them in the winter with skirts when I have to dress up for stuff for work. I can't bare shoes on my feet unless they are sandles....ew!

PunditMom said...

Pantyhose -- the eternal dilemma. My solution -- PANTS! ;)

debangel said...

Go, girl! Except that without the road map of my spider veins lighting the way, how am I supposed to find my way home??

((I also hate the way bare feet feel in shoes. Even more than I hate how control top pantyhose make me have to pee))

Life As I Know It said...

I can't remember that last time I wore panty hose. YAY for the casual workplace!

Mrs. G. said...

I'm going to have to violently disagree with you on this one. I will never wear them again. Mine always twisted around and strangulated my waist.

jessica said...

Pantyhose - the reason I don't dress up - ever. Hee.

super des said...

I wear tights. I have black, white, and various designs like polka dots. I think I have *one* pair of "flesh" colored ones. So, I also support pantyhose.

Blog Antagonist said...

I have a love/hate relationship with them myself. They do suck everything in nicely and smooth out the bumps. And yes, I hate that bare foot in shoes feeling too.

But someone has got to invent a pair that do not require that one defy the laws of physics to put them on.

Big Momma Pimpalishisness said...

If nylons did anything to keep my legs warm, I'd wear them all the time. But alas, I am the world's coldest person and so I just wear pants everywhere.

mdog said...

pantyhose noooooooooooooooooo

opaque tights or nothing or, preferably, PANTS.

Candy said...

I was destined to find you, for bare feet in shoes makes me squirm all day. I cannot bear it. Thus, I wear pants and knee highs most of the time.

I still wear pantyhose. Even under pants, because sometimes you need a smooth line. But I am thankful that Underalls don't exist anymore.

SUEB0B said...

Thanks, everyone. I think it is funny that I sort of made it sound like I am a skirt/pantyhose kind of person all the time, when my usual work uniform includes jeans, wool socks and flat comfy shoes.

Mrs. Swizzle said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Perfect timing you have. (Apparently I'm channeling Yoda)

I decided that I was actually going to get a new dress for Easter this year. Saturday, after finding the dress, I was wandering through the store wondering, "Do they even still SELL pantyhose anymore?" I purchased the first pair of nude/sheer hose I've purchased in a very long time and wore them with pride on Sunday. My pasty, fish-belly-white legs looked awesome!

You are leading the revolution!

Staci Schoff said...

I'll still read your blog even though I think pantyhose are obviously from Satan! It might be because when I was a senior in high school I had a SUMMER job in PHOENIX and HAD to wear dresses/skirts and pantyhose. No exceptions. (and my car had no AC -- talk about sweaty)

But until hose come back around, my mom got me these things that are kind of like a nylon ped for your shoes (I do NOT do bare feet in shoes either). And they are nice and comfy (or as comfy as the dumb shoes are anyway). I think she got them at Macy's.

Poe said...

Um. Hmm. I live in the South (SC), and pantyhose are definitely NOT out of style here. If you show up at work with a skirt and no pantyhose (even in the summer), it's considered sort of trashy.

Maybe you can move south?

(btw, found you via no pasa nada, like your red ink!!)

gael said...

Tights, tights, tights and sometimes pantyhose. Warm, flattering and smoothing.
And ANYTHING to hide these bluish froggy things that hold me up.
Thank you for your brazeness.

Anonymous said...

I LOVE PANTYHOSE. THEY ENERGIZE MY LEGS AND MAKE ME FEEL GOOD. I REALLY DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ARE BECOMING LESS POPULAR. I WEAR THEM EVERYDAY FOR ABOUT 12 HOURS PER DAY AND I ALWAYS WILL.

Joann S. said...

I have worn pantyhose at times during the winter months when wearing pencil type skirts and shorter skirts. As for bare feet in shoes, I am required to wear at least a short ped sock at my new employer. They told me that the "sticky sound" of my shoes and feet did not seem clean. I never gave it much thought until they mentioned it to me. I always use to wear my Sanita/Dansko Pro clogs bare all the time until now.

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