25 February 2008

The stink that keeps on giving

Do you read Jonniker? Goodness gracious why not? She does stream-of-consciousness like no one since Kerouac.

She just posted about stinky perfume. Cologne that YOU think is okay but that you later find your loved ones think smells like you have been forgetting to bathe.

Most of the cologne she refers to contains my least favorite scent (besides rotting goat cheese, as I found out Saturday morning when I was cleaning out some tupperwares from the week's work lunches), the evil patchouli.

Story time: Once upon a time, I was standing in my friend The Dutchess's kitchen. Her roommate, the Evil Mike, came in and gave me a hug. (Please note: normally, I do not comment on how people smell, no matter how bad it is. But this was super special).

Suebob: Gaaaaah!

Evil Mike: Whut?

Suebob: You smell...terrible. Awful. Oh my god, I got it ON me.

Evil Mike: Huh?

Suebob: You smell like...Patchouli!!

Evil Mike: Well some days I go on long bike rides and I don't have time to take a shower, so I just put on some patchouli oil to cover it up.

Suebob: Gaaah!

Evil Mike: You mean it doesn't work?

**********

Am I right people? Where do you stand on the patchouli issue?? (R. - you are exempt from my contempt. I love you despite your patchouli obsession. Which is saying something).

35 comments:

queenofspain said...

I hate that stuff more than I hate the smell of my kid's diapers. I'm not kidding

Bri said...

Gross. He's a man! How long does it take him to shower? If it's that difficult, tell him to take a whore bath and roll on some deoderant. Geesh.

Anonymous said...

One of my best friends,a man who just turned 50 freeking years old,wears patchouli oil every day. My car reeks of it for days every time we go somewhere. I love the guy,but christalmighty he stinks !!!!!

- Angel Apologist.

Anonymous said...

Oh god, I almost forgot....

bri, please tell, what is a whore bath ?????

- angel apologist.

Blog Antagonist said...

I don't mind patchouli, but it has to be very subtle. I wouldn't wear it myself, and I wouldn't scent my home with it.

Why oh why do people think they can mask the scent of poor personal hygeine with cologne? My kids try this occasionally, but a grown man? Should know better. Ew.

Kris said...

I thought I was the only one! There is nothing that gags me more than patchouli except, of course, patchouli as a lame attempt to cover up b.o. Nasty.

Average Jane said...

A guy in one of my bands wears patchouli and I can smell him before he makes it into the house. By the time practice is over, it has permeated our whole band room. Ack!

Lori said...

HATE. Ever since I was in college and it was popular among certain kinds of English majors (I was the other kind, the kind who could also do math), I've hated Patchouli. I'm also allergic to it, which gives me a good excuse to RUN FOR THE HILLS when anyone who's wearing it approaches.

super des said...

I am anti-patchouli.
When I was a kid, some friends ("friends") and I were playing and the got their mom's out and threw it on me. The smell lasted for weeks. I was so mad at them. Still am, actually.

minnie said...

i actually really like patchouli but don't wear for fear of being mercilessly made fun of by everyone i know.

whore bath.. think about it. a quick wash of the under carriage.
:)

Suzanne said...

Rancidness. Than again, I hate most colognes and perfumes.

one smarmy mama said...

Well, I don't like ANY scent in excess. I don't know that anyone does.

That said, I love the scent of patchouli. LOVE it. It reminds me of hippies and San Francisco. I sometimes burn patchouli candles in my house.

Amanda said...

I'm with queen of spain. The only human-body smell that might be worse than patchouli is death.

And I pretty much universally loathe ALL fragrances - perfumes, colognes, smelly lotions, but the worst by far is AIR FRESHENER. Barf.

claire said...

I'm with Minnie. I tend to really like patchouli on other people, but would never wear it for the fear that i'm offending everyone in a 10 mile radius. Sometimes i just open my bottle, give it a whiff and put it down.

I wonder if it is associative - an old boyfriend that i was super attracted to used to wear it. I wonder if that has something to do with it...

ie said...

1. L-O-V-E reading Jonniker.
2. Will NEVER wear patchouli.
3. B.O. + Patchouli smells like barf.
4. Expect it in hippie-looking shops.
5. I will burn it occasionally as incense.

Karen said...

It reminds me of my college days when I used to be a, let's say, pseudo-hippie. Friends of mine always wore it; I never liked it though. To me, it smells kind of like dirt. Rolled in oil. Dabbed with sweat. Then topped with dirt again.

MsLittlePea said...

I have always hated patchouli. Thought I was the only one.

Count Mockula said...

Hate it. And it's SO darn strong. Why must the worst smells also be the strongest?

Chantel said...

People still don't know that patchoulli is disgusting? Really?

jonniker said...

HAAAA.

Okay, note to everyone: patchouli is in a ton of scents you smell every day and you don't notice it and I'll bet you even LIKE IT. True story. Actual patchouli smells NOTHING like the head shop cheap-ass patchouli oil you smell. I promise.

A short list:
Prada (yes, Prada!)
Chanel Coco Mademoiselle
Chanel Chance
Serge Lutens Ambre Sultan (divine, divine scent with plenty of patch that YOU DO NOT EVEN NOTICE)
AND: Bath and Body Works' Midnight Pomegranate. Yep. A base note of patch there, and it was one of their best sellers. And no one knew.

And finally: never, ever buy patchouli straight-up in oil form. Ever. It's guaranteed to be cheap and shitty and S-T-R-O-N-G. And *I* don't even like that stuff.

KiKi said...

OMG too funny... reminds me of this guy who wears Shea Butter (in it's original form mixed with frankencense). His daughter told him he smelled like roach spray.

Christina said...

Patchouli is evil. I hate the stuff more than practically any other smell. I'll wear any other scented oil as long as it isn't Patchouli.

I worked at a renaissance festival for 10 years. I've had my fill of that awful smell.

Dana J. Tuszke said...

I think Patchouli is the worst scent in this world. I would rather smell like rotten eggs than that junk.

I remember in high school a friend of mine wore the stuff to cover up the pot smell. I told her the pot smell was way better.

Denise said...

I'm not wild about patchouli by itself but patchouli and body odor? Ugh.

When I was in my mid-twenties (many, many years ago ::sniff::) I was fond of the Poison by Christan Dior. I really enjoyed it right up until my husband told me it reminded him of Raid insect spray. That pretty much ended my enjoyment of it.

SUEB0B said...

Angel Apologist - you should ASK one if you want to know LOL

Denise - Funny. I once thought Elizabeth Taylor's perfume smelled exactly like Raid. Now I think John Freida's conditioner for Brunettes does. I guess it is a popular scent.

super jive said...

It has too many associations for me, like bad stoner basement ones. It's actually hard for me to take someone who is wearing it seriously.

Traceytreasure said...

I read this post a few days ago and I have thought about it many times. I live where hippies are ever present. I always hold my breath around them anyway because I'm afraid that their dreadlocks are contagious or full of lice. Why is deodorant such a bad thing to them? I don't think it would kill them. I also want to know what a whore bath is...Please enlighten me!! Thanks! P.S. I liked the Bath and Body Works Cotton Blossom and the bastards discontinued it!

trinity67 said...

I like patchouli.

Anonymous said...

Miss RS,

Sadly, I don't know any whores,only
nice churchgoing gals like yourself. If you could put me in touch with some......

By the By, I think my unbridled invective may have set off a bit of a flame war on an earlier post. I'm very sorry, I know how you dislike that kind of thing.

Please to forgive,

Angel Apologist.

VDog said...

I am firmly against patchouli. More of a nag champa kinda girl. LOL

Major Bedhead said...

Get your patchouli stink outta my store!

I don't like straight patchouli. It does smell of dirty hippies. Although I love Coco Chanel, so I guess I like it when it's in other things.

A whore's bath is where you either wash the pits and the crotch with a washcloth and soap or, alternatively, you just spray them with cologne. The things that are in my brain.....

Anonymous said...

I knew this very good looking girl in college that used to put on perfume instead of bathing. She was gorgeous but she absolutly stunk to high heaven because BO and perfume combined stinks worst.She was greasy to, her nose would be all shiny.

Anonymous said...

If you don't like patchouli, you're a dumbass.

peelincaps said...

Nothing screams to the world that 'hey, I smoke pot. I'm cool with that' more that patchouli or nagchampa. Gross hippie B.O. ass odor. It's disgusting.

Anonymous said...

I love patchouli. I use Kiss My Face Peaceful Patchouli lotion, and it's not strong at all. And I never get anything other than compliments on it. Maybe you're smelling bad patchouli??? Also, ANY scent trying to cover up BO is going to be rancid. I don't care how good it smells on it's own. You can't cover up BO, you must wash it away!! Wash it all away........

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