09 February 2008

Bah! One-sided "friendships"

Everyone knows one. Those people that only pop up when they need something from you. They think because they keep you on their email list for when they send out bad jokes that they can call you and ask for favors.

But ask them for something and they disappear. Arg.

I'm just frosted because this just happened to me. Someone I was once very close with won't ever see me, though we have run into each other several times and I always open the invitation - "Hey, we should get together for lunch..." but nothing ever comes of it.

We had a brief email exchange when I got a mass email and responded. At the end of my last email, I said, "Why don't we get together for dinner?"

Nothing. No response at all.

Yesterday I got a "Hey, buddy, since you work at the newspaper I figure you might be able to help with a press release..." email.

I sent him to a local PR person.

I could easily write a press release...for friends. But at some point you have to wonder where friendship isn't friendship anymore. Kinda sad but that's part of being a big grown-up person, I suppose.

21 comments:

Mamma said...

I definitely know what you're talking about. I've been thinking about a particular "friend" of mine lately. I've just decided it's time to just cut certain ties.

meno said...

How disappointing. I've known some people like this over the years. Don't know them anymore.

Hmmm.

super des said...

I say you're too nice. You should have sent that last paragraph to this "friend" instead of sending them to a PR person. Maybe they'd get the hint.

Blog Antagonist said...

What really frosts me is when they think your too stupid to realize what they're doing. I learned that those kind of people have no place in my life. I have no problem giving them the heave ho.

Major Bedhead said...

Wow, that's pretty ballsy of the guy!

I think I have a friend who's becoming one of those friends. It's happened often enough that it doesn't bother me that much any more, although it does sting a bit.

Mrs. G. said...

One of the great things about being an adult is not having to put up with this kind of "friend." Five years ago I might have caved and felt crappy about it, but not anymore. Let's hear it for getting older and smarter.

Your Old Holly said...

Smart girl.

Suebob said...

Though he was very nice about being sent to a PR agent.

Holly! I was just thinking of you the other day and wondering how you were.

Hilly said...

I had a few of those and unfortunately still have one of them. I've started telling people how I feel about it because this is the year of no BS for me. Uh, but I lost one friend over it so maybe I should STFU now. Sorry you have this issue!

Schmutzie said...

I don't mind when friendships take a natural path away from each other, but when the other hangs on to the barest threads just because I might be useful, I get a little steamed.

Isn't it great being older, wiser, and less of a doormat?

rookiemom said...

Oh yea, I've been there. Not a peep out of em 'til they can use you for something.

Good for you. No one needs these kind of people in their lives.

KiKi said...

I used to to have a lot of "friends" like this. I got over them after a long time of being used, though.

Lisa said...

Oh yes! I have one of those... She doesn't invite me to her real parties or want to get together. But she sure likes to include me on her "please buy the Mary Kay Make-up I'm peddling" e-mails. Its so obvious.

Its a bummer that there are so many people like that around.

mar said...

yep, the last time i 'talked' with someone i considered a close friend was almost a year and a half ago. he said he missed me & my witty humor, that he wanted to meet up with me before he moved to az. haven't heard from him since & he supposedly moved last july. huh! we'd even discussed people like that in the past.
guess it's time to give up on him.

and thanks for the comment on mine. appreciate it. :|

FENICLE said...

I know the feeling - all too well.

Also - I like the term "frosted" you wrote....I may have to borrow that sometime.

SUEB0B said...

Aw, Fenicle - that was me channeling my sister. She also used to say "That's enough to piss off the Good Humor man". Does anyone still have a Good Humor man??

mk99 said...

I totally agree and am glad you said something. I was beginning to feel like I was being too sensitive. Thanks.

Suzanne said...

It is definitely your former friend's loss to sacrifice your friendship. What a fool.

Day Dreamer said...

I do understand this.

I've slowly dis-connected from every.single.one.

I'm not lonlier, either.

Wendy said...

It saddens me to hear that you went through this. I too have a soon-to-be-ex-friend like this. During our last lunch meeting, she talked all through lunch about work, her new business, etc. When it came time for me to share, she abruptly said she had to go. I thought she was kidding. She wasn't. And that was the last lunch we had. Another incident happened at one of her parties late last year. The last straw came when she couldn't bring herself to write a thank you note or email for a gift I brought.

She is now trying to contact me, invite me out, invite me to her party, etc, etc. I do respond, but as curtly as I can. I'm beyond miffed. I want to continue to like her, and don't want to be angry at her. But, it's too late.

Nobody should have to put up with people like this, and shame on the people who insist on behaving like this.

Hugs to you

Anonymous said...

Oh i totally agree , i do have a friend who is like this....she calls me to go to the gym together, she will ping me from her desk on chat and will talk for hours, will call me if she wants to get dropped to office (we work in the same place)...but whenever i have suggested getting together....for a lunch/dinner or drink or even visiting each others homes and letting the boys meet each other...she would just not respond....i feel like iam more like an errand girl for her not really a friend .

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