10 January 2008

Extended massive WHAT?

One of my fellow churchladies asked me to be part of her book club. I was pleased and flattered - what a nice invitation!

"Whatcha reading?" I asked.

"The Glass Castle," she replied. Already read it, enjoyed it. If you like a nice harrowing childhood-growing-up-with-looney-parents story, it can't be beat.

I missed last month's meeting, so I was a bit surprised when she emailed me my first reading assignment: Mama Gena's School of Womanly Arts: Using the Power of Pleasure to Have Your Way With the World.

It was a little pink, a little foofy, a little embarrasing to buy. I don't usually frequent the self-help OR the chick lit sections of the bookstore, and of course I had to order this from a 19-year-old clerk at the local Barnes & Noble.

I enjoyed it, though. Mama Gena has a lot of fun with the advice genre, basically empowering women to be happy, because a happy woman attracts even more fun and delight into her life. Fine by me.

She also has a couple very graphic, intense chapters on getting familiar and happy with a big source of your pleasure - a place that she has a different name for, but because I am a churchlady, I will call "ladies' panty parts."

Last night I went to the meeting. There were five of us there, one absentee. Four of us were longtime singletons, but the one married woman there had really embraced Mama Gena's hedonistic advice and run with it. She had far TMI to share about how she and her husband were learning from this book and other books and...um...doing all the lessons, so to speak. Frequently and enthusiastically.

She also said she was selecting next month's book to continue the same theme. It was written by Mama Gena's mentors, the Bodanskys, who trained Mama Gena in a technique called Extended Massive 0rgasm".

Oh, my lands. At that point I started to feel a little faintish.

I mean, when I signed up for the book club, I was imagining The Sound and the Fury," just not THAT kind of Sound and Fury.

I'm fine with 0rgasms. Who isn't?

Fine with reading about them, learning about how to do it better. Whatever. Not on my top ten reading list, but maybe I would get around to it someday.

But sitting around with people I barely know, discussing Extended Massive 0rgasmz? I know I'm from California, but I may not be THAT California. Do you think it is too late to flee?

17 comments:

Average Jane said...

I think fleeing might be your best option at this point.

I used to have a "sluts of literature" book club with Cagey of Rancid Raves and Rita of Surrender, Dorothy, but the worst we ever got was "Lady Chatterley's Lover." And we're not exactly church ladies.

Run away!

Juliness said...

Get. Out. Now.

Save yourself my any means necessary. We'll back you up.

gandhi rules said...

oh rubbish. talk about and share your ladies' panty parts..hee

Suzanne Reisman said...

Yeah, just thinking about "extended massive orgasms" makes me tired, let alone discussing them with semi-strangers. I probably would've bailed when I found out what they were reading. My book club sticks to books with plots and side discussions about politics and public policy. I wish you could join us. Flee and good luck.

lizgwiz said...

Yeah, I think I'd at least find a good excuse for THAT meeting. You don't want to find yourself in a circle, looking at your "lady parts" in mirrors.

(No, that's never happened to me, but I've seen it on Real Sex on HBO. Heh.)

Kelly said...

Oh to be a fly on that wall. I'm with you though. Sitting around with friends discussing the big O is one thing...it's another entirely to share such info with strangers.

PunditMom said...

Those are some interesting church ladies!

FunnyGal KAT said...

Uh, wow. You COULD come up with an excuse to leave the group... or you could stay and have plenty of interesting stories for your blog. I have a feeling this group won't disappoint!

jessica said...

I think I might like your church....

I'm the wrong person to ask right now - since I am in the process of re-discovering my own MEO (MEOW!!! HA!) with the new man, I'm all for sharing.

trinity67 said...

Which church is this and how do I get there?

debangel said...

Boy, talk about "Oh, God!"! If California falls into the ocean next month I guess we'll all know why..

Count Mockula said...

Well... Isn't that... special?

Chantel said...

My book club is reading gore vidal at my request. me thinks you should come up and join us?

islaygirl said...

i'm new here, but bail. bail. bail. OR suggest another book and see if the other ladies back you up.

mothergoosemouse said...

There's a difference between discussing the book and discussing (in too much detail) how you've put the book's advice to use.

I'm no prude, but that's a little much for me.

Lisa said...

How did you not giggle uncontrollably while that married lady talked?

Maybe next time you should say, "Thank you Jane. Now I feel like I need to have a cigarette after your spiel." Maybe that will shut her up?

Staci Schoff said...

Bwahahaha! What has the world come to when it's not even safe to accept a book club invitation from a church lady?!

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