02 November 2007

Still? Still.

Oh the Joys made me cry with her post about her grandmother's death and how angry it has made her. She was feeling bad about being angry at her grandma for leaving her so suddenly and horribly.

I haven't gotten angry at my sister for dying - no, not at her. Mad at the universe, yeah, of course - I mean, what a crap deal, taking away my best pal AND my sister and leaving me here in the soup for what, another 30 years?

I took that longevity test and it said I would live to 95. To which my response was: "Shit. I hope not."

I get through everything ok until it comes to Friday night.

During the week, there's work and all that other stuff that I feel like I HAVE to keep doing. On Saturday, I get busy right away with the gym and Farmer's Market and all the errands and activities of the weekend that take me right thru til Sunday night.

But Friday night seems to fall through the cracks. I am just tired enough and uninspired enough for the little wobbly fence I have built around my emotions to tumble down into a pile of sticks.

Most days I don't cry anymore. But I really, really miss my sis. I am so damn glad she doesn't have to live in a body where she was so trapped, and I know I will see her again. It just seems so far away, these dark Friday nights.

8 comments:

Oh, The Joys said...

Suebob,

It's just really hard, isn't it.

Really, really hard.

xo,
Jessica

SUEB0B said...

Aw dang now you made me cry again. Hug.

mar said...

it's been 7 months this week since my grandmother passed & i had the most awful dream last night about all of us gathered at her house, now that it's sold, so we could see it one last time. except that i'll never be able to go there again.
they're both in a much better place & i can't wait to meet your sis someday. i'll introduce her to my gran.

super des said...

You guys were close so of course you're gonna miss her. But the grieving process takes time, so don't try to rush. Just let it flow. (cliche, sorry)

PunditMom said...

There are good days and bad. My best friend died last year and my grandfather, one of my most favorite people in the world, passed away 8 years ago. But there are still moments when I am overcome with sadness. Yesterday, I wanted to call my grandfather so much it hurt.

Hang in there.

oo

SUEB0B said...

Thanks for your kind words, Jessica, Mar, Des, J.

Major Bedhead said...

People dismiss grief, expect you to just suck it up and get on with things already. They just don't get that it can sneak up on you, smack you upside the head at times and lay you out. It sucks. It's hard. I'm sorry....

Staci Schoff said...

It is so hard to miss someone when you know you have to miss them forever. I'm so sorry that you had to lose your sister.

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