13 November 2007

Liveblog me baby

Good morning, America! I'm not quite awake!

Do you want me to clean this up, or do you want me to tell it like it is? Ah, good people of the internets, I knew I could trust you to want the real deal.

My alarm didn't go off. My fault. I can't set an alarm to save my life. It is one of my many shortcomings, along with an inability to dress myself fashionably or to keep my mouth shut.

Fortunately I wasn't really sleeping, since I was tossing and turning all night with the anticipation of getting less than 5 hours of sleep. I was also wondering at my decision to order the spicy garlic noodles last night and

So I looked at the clock and sprang into action at 2:37. Got naked to take a shower (yes, I need one - have you seen my hair after I sleep on it?)

My first action was to sneeze hard and pee on my leg (hello, Google pervs! Welcome!) Yes I did. I know, Kegels. Kegels.

The shuttle arrived 15 minutes early, which doesn't seem like much but the difference between 3 a.m. and 3:15 a.m. is significant. So instead of doing the last minute dishes, I put them in the fridge. They'll keep, right?

The first lady on the shuttle was my kinda gal. "I'm going to sleep," she declared. Yeah, baby. But of course the second person was not only Latey McLatelady, but also Chatty McYakmeister AND Stinky Lotioncloud. A trifecta of annoyingness!

The good thing is that once I take off my glasses, other people don't exist. I inflated my travel pillow, put in my earplugs, and pretended to sleep.

The airport is todo desmadre, even more than usual. But complaining about airports is so passe. Just like the guy next to me's puma tattoo. (Oh, crap, that is poor grammar. But you are talking to a woman who peed on herself and put her dirty dishes in the fridge, so what do you expect?)

I took a brilliant photo, but my camera cord is in checked, so I will share later. Wait for it. Pray for me.

Did I mention that I got my period between Ventura and here? My glamorous life continues...

11 comments:

Juliness said...

I know it's not really nice to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but damn, I had a great chuckle over this story. I think it's because I identified very strongly with SO MANY parts of it.

Hope Richmond is kind to you!

super des said...

YOu are so funny, and remind me of me when I don't get enough sleep.
Hope you have fun on my side of the country (though I wish you were a little more north...)

Suzanne said...

I'm with Des. Good luck with the rest of your travels. It's gotta get better, right?

URBAN PEDESTRIAN said...

Dishes in the fridge, eh? What a brilliant idea.

QT said...

Dude. I am SO with you on the unable-to-really-sleep-because-hey-did-I-set-the-alarm-right-or-not?

Lisa said...

Oh the glamour! Hope you get a chance to catch up on your sleep.

witchypoo said...

Heh. I did a spit take over the dishes in the fridge because I used to hide mine in the oven.
Seldom used in summer, perfect storage.
Then I fell in love. With my dishwasher. So much so, that when it was broken, I used it to store the dirty dishes until it was full, then I washed them.

Day Dreamer said...

LMAO...I love your honesty...

You had me at kagel.....

Kizz said...

Some might have simply left the dishes in the sink but no, you took action. I think that's marvelous, I only wish I were properly motivated like that.

Have fun in VA!

Andrea said...

I sympathize with the peeing down your leg. I do it far too often these days, every time I throw up, which is still every morning despite being only 8 weeks away from my due date. I have to stop and think, too, if that could be my water breaking prematurely, and then I realize the pressure from heaving is the culprit. That and my bladder being the baby's trampoline.

You crack me up. I would have never thought to preserve the dishes in the fridge. That's jee-nyus. Love it.

ecogrrl said...

You can also freeze borderline-toxic leftovers in Tupperware, the knock the offending substances into the garbage with one well-timed thwack. Run the Tupperware bottom under a little warm water first. It is *all* about avoiding the dishes.

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