06 August 2007

My fabulous life. Be jealous.

I live in a multi-cultural neighborhood where I am the multi. I am one of the few non-Latinos around, and I like it that way. I can practice my Spanish, walk to 2 great panaderias, and get chiles rellenos made with real poblano chiles, not those slimy crap canned Ortega things.

In the evening, much of the neighborhood goes out for a stroll. We have a lovely park and a lovely path, and Goldie and I often join in the procession.

Tonight we strolled and smiled and nodded with the best of them. There were several differences between me and my neighbors, though.

They are Latino and I am white. They stroll in families, me with my dog. And their pants were on right-side out, and mine were not.

Gringa loca.

*******

I didn't realize that my fat-ass yoga pants were on inside out until I went to the squirt-it-ur-self car wash and I wanted to put my change in my pocket. Which was outside my pants with the hole on the inside. Ah, the glamour.

I was standing there pondering what to do, the only person at the four-stall car wash. A guy pulled up RIGHT behind me. I was irked. Why didn't he pick another stall?

"Escuuuse me," said the driver, an old man. "But I have these..."(pointing to a pair of grungy crutches next to him on the seat) "and I cannot wash my own car. You can help me, please?"

I looked around. I was by myself. There was this apparently crippled old guy. About a thousand thoughts went through my head.

- Ted Bundy used to lure women in with the crippled routine.
- Is he going to give me quarters, or do I have to pay for the wash, too?
- Is he going to wait until I am distracted by washing the car, then pull a gun on me, drive me away and rape me?
- Am I going to look in the car while I am washing and find him spanking his monkey?

But I am always preaching kindness. I sighed.

"Sure," I said. He handed me some quarters. "Que paso?" What happened?

"Se quitaron la pierna," he answered. He made a cutting motion. He had lost a leg.

I began washing his car. A homeless guy came up and asked me for change.

"Um, this isn't my change," I said. "It isn't even my car." I started to laugh. One good deed at a time, huh, buddy?

I got done with the one-legged man's car.

"All finish?" he asked.

"Si, senor. Dios te bendiga," I said. God bless you.

I got a big smile and about 40 thank yous in return. Some people really just want a shiny car, I guess.

******

In other news, my tweezers are missing since Chicago. If you see a woman with her pants on inside out and a unibrow, chances are it is me.

17 comments:

chris said...

I can't stop giggling.

I think those things about strange men all the time too. This weekend I worked myself up into a slight panic when I kept seeing this odd man in the grocery store in every aisle I was in. Even though rationally I knew he was just doing the up and down the aisles like me.

Read the news much?

jessica said...

What is it with you and car washes and yoga pants?

Yesterday I got to work and a co-worker pointed out that I had my shirt on backwards. Which was especially sad because it had a logo on the front.

When you mentioned the crutches, I immediately thought of Ted Bundy. I'm glad he wasn't a murderous psycho.

super des said...

I wore my pants inside out once. I didn't realize until someone told me what size pants I was wearing.
*mortified*
But you get good karma for helping people.

one smarmy mama said...

I wonder if that guy had been scoping out someone to ask, afraid to ask anyone else because they might rob him since he was crippled.........and along comes this nice white lady with her pants on inside out, so she MUST be kind! *lol*

BetteJo said...

OMG! You ARE so fabulous! I'm sure I would have said no to the one-legged might be Ted Bundy guy - you are a much better car washer than I!
My daughter usually catches me before I manage to actually leave the house with anything on wrong, kids are good for something! :)

Dawn said...

I do that more than I care to admit - clothing on backwards or inside out.

I am usually just grateful that I put something on.

And yes. Sometimes an old guy who can't wash his car is just an old guy who can't wash his car.

You paid that one forward, baby,

And Now I am jonesing for REAL Hispanic food. Can't get that here in Montreal....

Queen of Spain said...

packing up minivan and heading to the Ventura County fair.

Got my cell #?

Count Mockula said...

That ruled of you. And now I need pan dulce.

Lisa said...

I thought of Ted Bundy too!

You are such a kind gentle soul. You are such a cool chickie.

Jhianna said...

If you see a woman with her pants on inside out and a unibrow, chances are it is me.

Perfect *LOL* And your life does sound fabulous - I am jealous... (Of course, it could be your ability to describe it in a way that makes it so very real. Either way - very nice!)

mothergoosemouse said...

I thought longingly of my old neighborhood. Like you, I provided the diversity and reveled in the atmosphere. Also the compliments on my blond-haired, blue-eyed daughter - "Que linda! Que linda!"

As for the pants, I'm just jealous that yours have pockets.

Blog Antagonist said...

OMG, my tweezers is missing too, since the same weekend. I was in Chicago, but not at Blogher.

I think it was nice you helped that guy. And since I live in a big city, I always assume I am about to get ravished when I'm approached by a strange man.

MsLittlePea said...

Last week I wore a tank top inside out. Yes.

I haven't been here in a week and I forgot how much you make me laugh. I missed you Suebob.

Holly Capote said...

Cool story, chicky.

Nancy said...

You're starting new trends everywhere, SB. Jealous doesn't even begin to cover it.

Chantel said...

Priceless! Really priceless. I wonder if he would have asked you to wash his car if your pants were in the new fashion of right side out?

Suzanne said...

Remember, no good deed goes unpunished. And in that same vein, next time I see you, I will be glad to lend you my tweezers. I never travel without them. Nothing - not even fun trips - stops chin hairs.

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