First, the winnerof Mark Bittman's cookbook: Major Bedhead!! Please email me at snackishblogAT yahoo and I will get your very large, big, giant book in the mail.
My apologies to the feed readers, since I have now edited this post 8 times.
Now, back to your regularly scheduled post.
Flowcharts. I learned about them in high school, back when computers were somewhat newish and we had to make punch cards and paper tapes in class.
Why did we have to make punch cards and paper tapes? Because computers back then lacked a little thing called "memory" so each time you used them, you had to teach your computer to find its butt with both hands.
I AM NOT JOKING, PEOPLE. I AM OLD.
But I quickly grasped the concept of flowcharts. You have to frame things in flowcharts in simple yes or no terms. On or off. Zero or One. Is that so hard?
Apparently. Go look at this totally wrong flowcharty thing on this so-called medical website.
I looked it up because the white of my eye is red and swollen. Probably has something to do with wearing contact lenses for over 18 hours a day. Just guessing.
But the FamilyDoctor website would have me believe it is SEVERE GLAUCOMA from the way they designed their stupid chart: 4. Is your eye red, do you have severe eye pain, or has your vision suddenly decreased or become cloudy?
Is your eye red? Yes, yes! But then the confusion starts with the run-on sentence. Do I have to have both or just the one symptom? Because they group them all together and the "yes" instantly leads to "severe glaucoma."
GLAUCOMA? SEVERE GLAUCOMA? Are you kidding me? Apparently so, because 6 numbers later, they are still asking: 10. Are your eyes red, itchy or swollen, or is there a bite-like swelling on one of your eyelids? Red! Yes they are red! Why do you keep asking me that WHEN WE HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT I HAVE SEVERE GLAUCOMA with the red eyes and all?? Now red means something else?
Like I said, not clear on the whole flowchart concept. Back to Mr. Whitton's 10th grade computer science class with you, FamilyDoctor.org.
Notice: If they find me dead in my house, it was not suicide. It wass from lack of oxygen, which was caused by this Farting Dog. Please don't blame her. It is my dad, with his infernal Bean Omelettes.