12 July 2007

Not clear on the concept Part 212

First, the winnerof Mark Bittman's cookbook: Major Bedhead!! Please email me at snackishblogAT yahoo and I will get your very large, big, giant book in the mail.

My apologies to the feed readers, since I have now edited this post 8 times.

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Now, back to your regularly scheduled post.

Flowcharts. I learned about them in high school, back when computers were somewhat newish and we had to make punch cards and paper tapes in class.

Why did we have to make punch cards and paper tapes? Because computers back then lacked a little thing called "memory" so each time you used them, you had to teach your computer to find its butt with both hands.

I AM NOT JOKING, PEOPLE. I AM OLD.

But I quickly grasped the concept of flowcharts. You have to frame things in flowcharts in simple yes or no terms. On or off. Zero or One. Is that so hard?

Apparently. Go look at this totally wrong flowcharty thing on this so-called medical website.

I looked it up because the white of my eye is red and swollen. Probably has something to do with wearing contact lenses for over 18 hours a day. Just guessing.

But the FamilyDoctor website would have me believe it is SEVERE GLAUCOMA from the way they designed their stupid chart: 4. Is your eye red, do you have severe eye pain, or has your vision suddenly decreased or become cloudy?

Is your eye red? Yes, yes! But then the confusion starts with the run-on sentence. Do I have to have both or just the one symptom? Because they group them all together and the "yes" instantly leads to "severe glaucoma."

GLAUCOMA? SEVERE GLAUCOMA? Are you kidding me? Apparently so, because 6 numbers later, they are still asking: 10. Are your eyes red, itchy or swollen, or is there a bite-like swelling on one of your eyelids? Red! Yes they are red! Why do you keep asking me that WHEN WE HAVE ALREADY ESTABLISHED THAT I HAVE SEVERE GLAUCOMA with the red eyes and all?? Now red means something else?

Like I said, not clear on the whole flowchart concept. Back to Mr. Whitton's 10th grade computer science class with you, FamilyDoctor.org.

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Notice: If they find me dead in my house, it was not suicide. It wass from lack of oxygen, which was caused by this Farting Dog. Please don't blame her. It is my dad, with his infernal Bean Omelettes.

15 comments:

MsLittlePea said...

I never learned flow charts-at least I don't remember if I did.

Glaucoma? Most people are hoping for Glaucoma so that they can get medical mariju...nevermind. (But maybe that's why...maybe someone who was just trying to 'help' made that flow chart. )

Mignon said...

I had that last summer. Both eyes - white parts horrifically swollen and squishy. It was an allergic reaction, coupled with my inability to resist rubbing them. Try some Benadryl - it helped me.

Now, the other thing - can you give a dog Beano?

QT said...

Blogger sucks - don't worry, I did the same thing. FWIW in bloglines this came up as jsut one new post.

I'm with mslittlepea on this one...

Major Bedhead said...

Whee! Thanks for the cookbook, SueBob. You made my day.

Mom101 said...

Can I suggest that maybe you try a new website? Yikes.

Working Girl said...

Suebob, I am sorry to be the one to inform you that health care professionals receive NO (that means none, nada, zip, zilch, goose egg...) education on how to communicate with our patients. Reading, writing, talking? We only know how to cover our asses but not how to comfort yours. (I learned how to talk via another degree, another career.)

one smarmy mama said...

*lol*

That sounds like this Readers Digest Family Medical Guide we had in my house when I was a kid.......(you can still find them and thrift stores)....

Pretty much every ailment I ever had lead me to "SEVERE WARNING! GO TO THE HOSPITAL NOW! YOU MAY BE HAVING A STROKE!"

Mrs. Chicken said...

Bean omlettes? dude.

Nancy said...

OMG! MY EYES ARE RED! LEAVING FOR THE HOSPITAL ASAP!!

Nancy said...

p.s., my punishment for being away from the blog world is that I missed the Bittman book giveaway. Drat!

SUEB0B said...

1. MsLittlePea - you don't need them unless you are doing programming. Me, I liked them because of all the little shapes. And I don't smoke. Anything. Allergies.

2. Mignon- I think your diagnosis is better than FamilyDoctor.org

3. QT - see above.

4. Major B - Yay. In the mail tomorrow.

5. Mom101 - I was kind of reveling in the incompetence.

6. Working Girl - that is why I write professionally about health care.

7. One Smarmy - I LOVED that book as a kid. And as an adult. It convinced me that, no, I was not having bladder cancer when I had a bladder infection.

8. Mrs. Chicken - we have had this conversation many times. He is 88 and stubborn as hell.

9. Nancy - that is probably a good plan, considering that you have SEVERE GLAUCOMA

10. Nancy - don't worry. More giveaways on the horizon.

Alex Elliot said...

Sorry to hear about your eye. My sympathies on your farting dog :)

debangel said...

I remember going to one of those medical diagnosis sites with a bad cough and tightness in my chest..it told me I had mesothelioma!! After that, having bronchitis was a relief! And what's with naming "death" as a side effect? Exactly who is reading that as a warning, anyway?

Carnivore farts are the worst! (Ok, I know that technically dogs are omnivores.) I'll never forget the stench coming out of my cat when he ate three whole cloves of sauteed garlic! Blecch!

Women's Health said...

Hi,

Sorry about your Red Eye...hope you got rid of it...Oh my god...Just LMAO after reading about your farting dog...

Well I was also going to ask you the same thing which Nancy did already...So may I send you email?

Working Girl said...

Suebob-I had no idea that you wrote professionally about health care. So you already know...

I hope you get the care you need for your eye and a speedy recovery as well!

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