My cute new little Honda Fit needed a quick wash, so I went in search of one of those tunnel kind of car washes where you pay with a debit card, drive in and park, and the wash mechanism thingy just travels over your car and then you drive out, clean and shiny.
I had just walked the dog out in wildernessland, so I had my usual weed-covered yoga pants and Angels spring training t-shirt on. But what the heck, I wasn't going to get out of the car.
Bwwwwaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaa.
I saw the "car wash" sign next to a Jiffy Lube. I pulled up. A guy waved me into the carwash tunnel, no debit card required, and started the wash. At the end, it didn't have the usual blast of air step to dry my car, so I was kinda bummed.
I pulled out and the guy pointed me to a parking spot. He had a basket of towels. Ah, hand dry. Then I realized I was going to have to go in and pay the jiffy lube cashier in my fatass yoga pants.
I went into the lobby and stood there while 50 people wondered what the hell I was doing in public with those ugly pants stretched over my large butt. And stood there.
After about 5 minutes, a guy finally came to the cashier stand. He was puzzled because my car wasn't on the list. "The Toyota?" he kept asking. I was getting more and more pissed because I just wanted to pay for my carwash and get out of there.
"Uh, that's ok, you can just go," he said. I held out money. He shook his head.
I suddenly realized something. You can't get a car wash at Jiffy Lube. Unless you get a lube. They didn't have any idea how to deal with someone who just boldly drove into their car wash and didn't want any other services. There was no price for it, no button on the cash register for it.
"That is the cheapest carwash I have ever gotten," I said, blushing madly and scampering my yoga pants butt back to my shiny clean car.