26 April 2007

Queen Size

Jonniker wrote a great post about weight and body image that got me thinking.

I don't have a very good body image. I don't mean that I think badly of my body. I mean that I don't have a very good image in my mind of what it looks like. This image-blindness allows me to wear odd clothing combinations without shame and to appear naked in front of strangers without feeling embarrassed. I guess it is a mixed blessing. I am blithely ignorant while others may be horrified.

And if I can tell they are horrified, I fall back on the old biker adage: "F**k 'em if they can't take a joke." Thought I don't know how wise it is to be taking fashion advice from the Hell's Angels.

One by-product of this image blindness is that, instead of knowing how I look, especially size-wise, I try to figure my body out in relation to others. Am I that fat? Am I in better shape than her? I'm not that big, am I? I AM??

For instance, I always think of this one woman at work as being somewhat fat. The other day I realized she is slightly smaller than me. Duh.

I work in a very, very fat company, though. My co-workers and I will be at lunch in the cafeteria and remark "God, what a bunch of fatasses we are."

It isn't uncommon to look around the 40 or so people eating in the cafeteria and see 6 that are life-threateningly obese, and 5 others that are merely huge.

For me, this is a chance to get on my high horse and do some judging. I mean, I may be FAT but I'm not THAT FAT. I'm practically the Little Mermaid compared to those people! Bring on the brownies! I have another 100 pounds to go before I get THAT bad.

This way of thinking? It isn't getting me out of my size 16 jeans. Sigh.

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5 comments:

super des said...

ha ha ha.
As long as you have others to compare yourself to, you'll never come out on the bottom. You'll never come out on top, either, but that's not what we're shooting for here.

I do that in a more bitchy way: "I KNOW I would look better in that outfit than her." It helps me feel better for some reason.

one smarmy mama said...

HAHA me too. Cause, see, I'm reading along thinking "She's not FAT!!" and then I got to you admitting your jean size and I was secretly shouting inside "WOOHOO!!!!!! She's MY SIZE!!!!! AND SHE LOOKS GOOD!". Cause, if you don't look that fat, I can't look that fat (except I am willing to bet I'm a lot shorter than you but I'm going to ignore that).

Dj Triple Threat said...

Dude.

Women who analyze bodies are hot.

Hilly said...

I am one step worse....I will ask my husband if some random stranger is bigger or smaller. I've done it SO much that he now just walks by and says, "bigger" cause that is really all I need to know ;).

Da Nator said...

Y'know, I used to do that more often. I think it gave me too much leeway, though, because the older I get, the less people I see who I can say "well, at least I'm not as fat as him/her."

For example, I used to think that getting up to size 16 was a tragedy - the fattest I'd ever be. What I wouldn't give to see size 16 again!

Y'know, except for giving up the food I like and working out several hours a day...

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