14 April 2007

And now, this snooze

Mr Stapler and I broke up. It happened a while ago. I almost feel like you should all know about it already. I didn't post about it because I have been torn between protecting his privacy and my need to spew everything that happens to me all over the Inturnets.

As usual, the internet won. I figured that it's my life, my story, and I have protected his privacy pretty well by never posting his real name, location or any other identifying marks.

We broke up for the usual reasons. You know. Because I am a perfect, pretty princess and he is a benzene-spewing puff adder. Or because he is a normal, reasonable human and I am the whore of Babylon. Or maybe somewhere between those poles.

It has been surprisingly painful. The type of painful I didn't even know I could still feel at my Advanced Age.

Half the problem IS my Advanced AgeTM (a woman in my class at the gym today said "You're still in your 30's, right?" and I wanted to give her a big sloppy kiss).

The Evil Chimp Voices of Doom awaken me at 3 a.m. to tell me what a whackjob failure at life I am and that I should have gotten my love life solved by now.

"You FAILED at ANOTHER relationship. What is wrong with you? You're not getting any younger, you know. You're so weird that no one will ever want to date you. And you're old and ugly to boot. You're going to end up living in a cardboard box with 17 cats."

But on the other hand, the good thing about being somewhat older and wiser is that now I can say "Oh, it's just Evil Chimp Voices of Doom again. It must be about 3 a.m."

Then to shut the Chimps up, I go through the alphabetical listing of AKC dog breeds (Affenpinscher, Afghan Hound, Airedale, Akita...) until I fall asleep, usually somewhere between the Chihuahua and the Doberman.

Shut up. It works for me and I never have to take sleeping pills.

I guess I got off on a tangent there, didn't I? Sorry. I'm not avoiding the subject of my painful breakup that made me feel like I was walking around with a chest full of broken glass. I'm not, I'm not.

I'm better now, anyway. I'm alive, awake, alert, enthusiastic and ready to go out and start dating some nice guys. Oh, yes, because there is nothing I love more than dating. Except for slamming my finger in the trunk lid as hard as I can.

You KNEW I'd have that go-getter spirit, didn't you? Some things never change. ZING!

24 comments:

laurabob said...

You are the bravest person I know. And it must be about 3 a.m.

Jessica said...

Oh, that sux! Or, maybe it doesn't. I have a feeling it bites in the short term, but not so much in the long.

If I lived near you, we could go out and drink.

I hope the suckiness is very short-lived.

Mir said...

I'm so sorry, Suebob. Even when it's "right" to part ways it rarely feels good.

And you are a fox, and a catch, and this will all make sense in the grand scheme of things, down the road, but I wish that could help right now. Right now, I prescribe ice cream. Lots and lots of ice cream.

mamatulip said...

I'm sorry. Yet I'm oddly comforted by the fact that you do the same thing that I do to fall asleep. I don't do it with dog breeds though, I do it with blog titles.

Hang in there.

Amanda said...

I agree with Mir - you're a foxy catch! It's his loss. Just don't waste anymore time on lawyers. They're a giant pain in the ass - all of them.

jen zug said...

I can relate to the tension between wanting to process on your blog while also protecting the privacy of other parties involved. It's a fine line, and I'm not always sure where it lies, but I figure if I just keep talking about myself then I can't go wrong.

I'm so sorry about your break-up.

super des said...

I don't think it's a failed relationship. You had some good times, some good memories? It just didn't last forever. Things have to end sometimes.

mothergoosemouse said...

I don't know if you want any hugs and pats from a disgustingly happily married mommyblogger, but I honestly do admire your courage and commitment to your priorities.

Looking forward to seeing you in Chicago.

Lady M said...

I'm sorry, I hope you don't have too many more sleepless nights.

Regarding what Mothergoosemouse said - are you going to BlogHer? I may be going too! I'll have to get a picture of you with the orange Japanese Fruit Friend this year, since you captured me with your Red Stapler last time.

Laura said...

Lots of hugs to you!

I prescribe lots of margaritas and ice cream....but not at the same time of course. That could be really disasterous.

Heather B. said...

So when exactly will we be drinking together?

;-)

Suzanne said...

Ditto Mir and Des. I know you have lots of shoulders, but if you need another one that's 3000 miles away, mine is available. You're the best and you deserve likewise.

Elizabeth said...

You tell that Evil Chimp Voice of Doom to stop telling you that you are ugly RIGHT THIS INSTANT, or I will have to get on a plane and show up at your house at 3 a.m. to smack some sense into it.

I'm so sorry you are hurting, though. BlogHer is only a little over three months away, and I will be there with a big hug for you.

meno said...

I kind of like the image of you as the Whore of Babylon.

I'm sorry for the hurt though. It sucks. I sorta suspected this from your last comment on my blog.

spotted elephant said...

I'm sorry Suebob. I favor the you are "a perfect, pretty princess and he is a benzene-spewing puff adder". I think that really says it all. Hope your feel better as soon as is possible.

ecogrrl said...

I'm sorry I've been out of touch here - forgive my delayed reply. Much love to you. Sounds like you have plenty of friends bearing margaritas to get you throught it. :)

MsLittlePea said...

Oh a painful break up. I'm sorry about this. I hope the chimps shut up and let you get some sleep!

Andrea said...

It's not a failed relationship if you learned something from it, and to me, it sounds as if you have.

I'm impressed by your ability to alphabetize dog breeds, or even to know them. But I guess you don't have to know them all, just the ones to Doberman.

Anonymous said...

Perfect: No

Pretty Princess: Absolutely

claire said...

oh, i would have liked to keep that anon comment the last one, but i missed this the other day.

i'm so sorry, that totally sucks. but even though i don't know you very well, you seem like such a great woman with a great energy, and you'll be fine. and dating can be fun, if not great blog fodder.

though it does suck that he knows about your blog... eech.

Lisa said...

I'm So sorry Suebob. But if it helps, please know that WE ALL LOVE YOU! (Cause you're one cool, sassy, smart chickie!)

TB said...

I'm sorry you're hurting. It's never easy to separate yourself from someone who was once a part of your life, whether it's the right thing or not.

Sending peace and good thoughts from far away.

Mayberry said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, and to know that it was/is tough. Just wanted to add my voice to the chorus of "take care"s.

And to say that your back-to-sleep routine immediately made me think of this excellent book.

one smarmy mama said...

Wow.

I'm sorry.

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