13 February 2007

What are we up to?

Reason No. 2168 I didn't have kids: I'm not so good with sick people.

And I had NO IDEA how often children were sick until I started reading y'alls blogs. My goodness people! The vast quantities of poop! The snot rockets! The sudden and unexpected fountains of vomitus!

It's like the little darlings are walking germ factories, ever spewing greater and greater quantities of their vile products. Gross domestic product, indeed.

I'm sure Mr Stapler will be only too happy to attest to my inability to deal with germs and/or the sick. (He LOVES to talk about how wonderful I am!)

If you're coughing and sneezing, my first comment is not likely to be "Oh, you poor dear." It would usually be "What are you DOING here?" unless "here" is your own home, in which case it would be "I gotta go."

So my non-existent children are happy to not have me as a mother, especially during cold and flu season. Because if they got sick, I might put them out in the garden shed until they stopped being so darned icky.

21 comments:

Maggie said...

Well I was going to suggest a play date for your non-existent children with mine (who exist) but mine might have germs and I really couldn't live with myself if it was my fault your non-existent kids were living in the garden shed. LOL.

claire said...

yeah, kids are gross. they're gross on a normal day, but when they're sick? EW. back away...

hopefully my stepchildren will take care of me when i'm old, because i'm not making any of my own thankyouverymuch.

VenturaMom said...

My Mom was never good at the whole sympathy for a sick kid thing. It may have had to do with the fact there were 5 of us (WTF you ask? Catholic). I apparently inherited the non-sympathetic mother gene so if it can't be fixed by a quick trip to Long's for OTC meds, the hubby has to step in. It's just not within the scope of my abilities.

MrsFortune said...

Make sure to use lots of imaginary anti-bacterial lotion.

Seriously though? To me, my dog's various ailments have been worse than those of my child. I never had to pull dental floss out of my kid's butt. Not YET, at least. :)

Shannon said...

Also one of my top reasons for strongly considering the no children route. I do not deal well with vomit. Or poop. Or snot. Or spit up. Or anything a child might produce really.

Christina said...

I can generally handle the vile stuff (which is why I'm pursuing a career change into nursing), but last night I made my husband do the first part of the cleaning of vomit. Being pregnant, with a superhuman sense of smell, made it too much to deal with.

MsLittlePea said...

My imaginary children are happy not to have me as a mother too!

Mayberry said...

I am with MrsFortune. I would rather clean up anything that comes out of any kid orifice than my dog's puke. EWEWEWEWWWW.

That said: I have a sick kid right this moment and I'm...pretty sick of that.

Mr Stapler said...

Ms Stapler IS wonderful. Until she opens her mouth and says something hateful. Or writes it in a public forum, and then she more resembles a multi-headed hydra.

My mom had a crush on our pediatrician, so if we looked at her cross-eyed, off we went. Two, three times a day sometimes.

Laurabob said...

It's only other people's children, strangely enough. And you get to smear your kids with your spitty thumb, so it evens out...

super des said...

You put it so well. I never get sick, and part of that involves avoiding other sick people.

Pattie said...

Ha! Yes, children are gross. I never thought I would ever be "ok" cleaning up someone else's puke until I had my own kids. You are lucky! :)

SUEB0B said...

Look, Mr. S - I'm not hateful. I just have 110 blogs in my bloglines, about 80 of which are written by moms. On any given day, at least 20 of them mention poop, pee, snot or vomit. Sometimes it seems like a whole world of body effluents...

Lisa said...

Amen sister. Only I have one of those real kids... And dear lord, he's a puker. Gah.

A few months back, he got a fever and for about a month, anytime I'd drive more than a few minutes, we'd have to pull over... The kid has puked in the car so many times, I've been campaigning to sell it and its only a year old.

I would like to have more children but then I think about the barf factor and realize maybe its a good thing I've only got one....

Joan said...

Ye-ew...snot, vomit, poop. That's soooooo gross!!! As someone without children, I'm proud to say I've never changed a dirty diaper, cleaned up vomit or wiped spit-up...I always leave that to the lucky mom in the room. I'm child-free and pet-free by choice and your blog reminded me why. ;~)

Jessica said...

I'm right there with you.

Vomit is the NUMBER ONE reason I do not have children. Seriously. If anyone says that they have puked/will puke/might puke, I run screaming in the other direction. Two weeks ago, a coworker came in and said, "I was throwing up all morning." And I literally said, "What the F*&% are you doing here then!? GO HOME!" She didn't, and I spent my shift hyperventilating.

People.

Mr Stapler said...

Wow. The reason why educated Americans barely replenish themselves [something along the lines of 2.1 births per every two adults] is because ... we're so easily grossed out?

We are so not the greatest generation.

jess said...

I totally don't believe you.

You never know what you are capable of.

Correct me if i'm wrong...you have pets right? What kind of grossness have they bestowed on you?

TB said...

I figure I'm getting practice for a baby cleaning up after my pets. I'm not much for the gross/smelly/gooey bodily fluids either, so I'm not sure how I'm going to handle this whole motherhood thing.
I think you must just get desensitized to it after awhile. Six months from now, I'll probably be talking about poop and snot with the best of them.

mothergoosemouse said...

I don't deal well with sickness either, even when it's me. If I blog about it, it's got to be a real EVENT.

And still I understand that a lot of people, with or without children, don't want to read about that revolting stuff. Scroll on down - my feelings aren't hurt!

Heather said...

I do not have children and yet I've been puked on several times. Then there's the pooping....

My mother told me that she used to think that having children was the most vile thing ever because of their puke, etc. Then she had a baby a baby who was a puker and then she had another baby who once shot stuff out of both ends in the middle of her kitchen floor.

I will not be having any children. thankyouverymuch.

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