14 February 2007

Two Valentine's Stories

I was at the drug store, buying boxes of Conversation Hearts for my co-workers.

Story 1
Random Dude: (shaking head) Pfft, that's marketing for ya.
Suebob: Pardon?
RD: Look at this. This package of candy has the same contents as this one, but the one in the heart-shaped box is $3 more.
Suebob: You have to buy the heart-shaped one.
RD: I do? But the plain one is the same thing.
Suebob: Dude, trust me on this one.
RD: It seems so stupid.
Suebob: You gotta do it.
RD: Are you sure?
Suebob: This is one thing I am absolutely sure of.

Story 2
I worked with this woman who was married and pretty much had her husband cowed. She wanted what she wanted and wasn't shy about letting everyone know.

On Valentine's Day, what she wanted was flowers at work. Early in the day, so everyone would know how beloved she was. She did not hint about this. She told her husband and everyone within earshot this was what MUST happen for Valentine's Day to go well.

Cut to Valentine's Day.
10 a.m. - no flowers.
Noon - no flowers.
One p.m. - panic sets in. Ugliness. Swearing.
Two p.m. - phone call to assure that husband has indeed ordered flowers or his head is on the chopping block.
2:30 p.m. - another, more aggressive phone call with demands for the florist's phone number just in case
3:00 p.m. - full-on screaming phone call. The girl had lost her shit. "You asshole, how could you do this to me??" This in a very quiet office where everyone could hear everything that went on.
3:30 p.m. - Flowers arrive. She is slightly calmed by this and wants everyone to admire her bouquet, but we are all jumpy and irritable and sick of her flower situation
5:30 p.m. - The rest of the staff goes out, has some beers, swears off Valentine's Day forever, and toasts to the fact that they aren't involved with crazy bitches like her.

16 comments:

Mr Stapler said...

No props to the dude for cooking you dinner and buying you gourmet chocolates, and making you a card? Wow. Times are hard.

I'll have the duck with the mango salsa, I guess.

super des said...

15% of women buy themselves flowers on Vals Day. Seems like it would be easier for everyone if this woman was one of them.

claire said...

cheers to not dating crazy people.

jeebus.

Maggie said...

oddly this woman's desires and rants just made the flowers meaningless in any way shape or form. what a waste. of skin.

Now as for Mr. Stapler - what a romantic evening. See, that's what I love, a meal made for you. How awesome is that? Ok, the chocolates are cool too. :-)

Holly Capote said...

Maggie is right: what a waste of skin.

And how unprofessional to drag her psycho-drama into work. That drama queen belongs on The Jerry Springer Show.

Mayberry said...

You may have saved the drugstore guy from the same fate as your scary co-worker's poor husband.

wordgirl said...

I think Valentine's Day has just gone completely off the tracks. I made enchildadas and Mr. Half cleaned. I just glad neither one of us is crazy...or maybe we both are so that it just doesn't matter.

Mignon said...

Four-way chili? Four-way chili. I'm trying to think of a tasteful comment about that, but it's no good.

Please tell me you "innocently" flaunted your chocolates at work when the flowers didn't arrive.

MsLittlePea said...

Four-way chili! Your teasing us aren't you!!!

Eden said...

Moonstruck chocolate. Mmm.

As to story #1, I think that was my husband. But only if he bought the cheaper box and then told me why.

meno said...

Let's look at the bright side. She gave you something to loathe. I'm always appreciative of that.

Ick. Drama drama revolution, as we say around here.

rhea_sun said...

She wanted to have everyone know how wonderful she was, but didn't actually want to act like a wonderful person. I've probably met her then.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Nothing says love like a crazy psycho bitch demanding flowers. I'm willing to bet that wasn't in their marital vows.

SUEB0B said...

Four-way chili was a new one on me. But Mr Stapler went to Cincinnati a few weeks ago..so he decided to honor the regional culinary heritage of Ohio. It was truly great!

TB said...

Oh my god, she's probably also the type of woman who thinks the size of her diamond proves how much her husband loves her. Icky.

Anonymous said...

tb - You are EXACTLY right. She abandoned her wedding ring for a big honking cubic zirconia for a while, til she could get a bigger diamond. I could go on...

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