06 February 2007

Top 10 Ways Reality TV Sucks

10. What not to wear: Clinton is ok but someone needs to slap Stacy. What a wench.
9. The Apprentice: More chances to view Donald Trump's hair. Do we need that?
8. The Bachelor - how romantic did THAT turn out to be? Some boffing in hot tubs and then a breakup two weeks later. How is that different from dating?
7. Fear Factor: if I wanted to watch people do disgusting things, I would have had children.
6. The SuperNanny and the Dog Whisperer need to get married and stop making the rest of us feel bad about how messed up our kids and pets are.
5. Top Chef - Sam could cook. Sam was hot. Sam was mature. What would have been so wrong with making Sam the Top Chef?
4. Survivor - The fact that I have never seen this show, but that I know all about the guy who walked around naked in the first season - why is this taking up real estate in my head?
3. The Real Life Bitches of Orange County - do these people need more encouragement to act shallow and stupid?
2. My Super Sweet Sicksteen - See #3. Except at an early age. One can only hope for a random meteorite to strike.
1. You tell me! What is your #1 reason reality TV sucks?

22 comments:

julia said...

I totally agree with you on Sam. I liked him. It helped that he had type 1 diabetes, but still. I think he was a much better cook than Marcel and Ilan. That show drove me nuts. It wasn't about their talent this time, it was about the drama. The Bravo reality shows are becoming more like network shit and that depresses me.

What bothers me most about reality tv is that it ISN'T reality. And that it's everywhere. It's even invaded PBS. How sad is that?

Maggie said...

I agree with Julia.

Reality TV is an oxy-moron. I've never seen anything so un-real as these shows.

P.S. I loved numbers 7 and 6 - you crack me up.

mayberry said...

I don't even watch American Idol, but what about that freak Paula Abdul?

madge said...

Heidi Klum running around making pregnant women feel like sh*t about themselves.

Oh, and TOO RIGHT! Sam is the true Top Chef. That was the gravest travesty of justice I've witnessed on TV.

lizgwiz said...

Those "Real" Housewives make me want to gouge my eyes out with spoons. No, wait...I just want to shoot them. Or force them to live in a studio apartment and work at a minimum wage job.

Chase said...

That being a royal bitch like Omarosa (The Apprentice, first season) can turn you into a star. With commercial endorsements. And air time. And everyone knows your name. HATED that whole thing.

Mignon said...

Ah, SueBob. Even if I did have a good reason to hate reality tv, your line made me forget it: "The SuperNanny and the Dog Whisperer need to get married and stop making the rest of us feel bad about how messed up our kids and pets are."

Oh, wait! I know: Wife Swap - these are families I would avoid in the grocery store to prevent my kids from witnessing the downfall of our culture. When you mix them up it's like mixing transfats and nicotene. Two wrongs don't make a fresh green salad.

claire said...

Numbers 2 & 3 are right on the money.

Why don't these people just fuck off and stop waving it in our faces? Why do people want to watch that? How can anyone stand to listen to a spoiled, HORRIBLE teenager? HOW??

Nasty, awful people. Feh.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

I love Sam. Sam should have won.

I think the kid at the camp said it the best when she said "I'm going to go over there and marry that hot diabetic".

Laurabob said...

I actually want to see the Donald in HD so I can get a good look at the construction of that comb-over 'n' gel hair! Rumplestiltskin wove that edifice out of straw.

meno said...

Can't help you with this one as i don't watch any of these. But the sad thing, is that i have heard of them all and they are, as you say, taking up valuable real estate in my head.

I need to delete them.

Mrs. Chicky said...

Your #5 is my #1. I wanted Sam to win. After he was voting off it seemed anti-climactic. Who cares who won after that?

Heather B. said...

It just dawned on me that I still don't know who won Top Chef. Don't tell me! But just wow.

Also, I LOVED Sam and was totally gunning for him. I'm pretty sure he made two mistakes: the watermelon gnocchi and the toad in a hole thing on the beach. Other than that, he was easy on the eyes and I bet he could make a spectacular grilled cheese.

Jessica said...

Yeah, I thought Sam would win - he was, in my very professional opinion, the most consistently good chef on the show. But, you know what, I thought he was kinda obnoxious. Or maybe "self-righteous" is a better word. I don't know, he annoyed me. But he could definitely cook.

You know, whenever I say that I hate rich people, I feel badly. I feel guilty. It's not nice to be a hater. Then I watch that Sweet 16 show or the Morons of the OC, and I feel a little less guilty...

SUEB0B said...

The funny part is that I don't even have a TV and yet I know all these things!

Mr Stapler said...

I hate the new rich. The old rich have earned it through years of seclusion, in breeding, being coddled, and ratification by Vanity Fair.

You'll notice that old money doesn't do reality TV, save for Mr Howell and Paris Hilton whom we are fairly certain was one of the servant's secret kids.

super des said...

I thought you didn't watch tv?

I've never seen a single one of these shows, but I don't have to to know they would make me unhappy.

one smarmy mama said...

1. The Real World - NO IT'S NOT, STOP MAKING THAT STUPID FUCKING SHOW ALREADY. It was groundbreaking in season 1. The end. It sucks butt now. Get over it.


Side note: My children LOVE Fear Factor. :P

one smarmy mama said...

1. The Real World - NO IT'S NOT! STOP IT ALREADY!!!!!!!

gingajoy said...

"Sam could cook. Sam was hot. Sam was mature. What would have been so wrong with making Sam the Top Chef?"

AMen, sister. I am also completely with you on the supernanny/dog whisperer thing. sometmes i feel like i've got one on each of my shoulders as i fuck up through my day.

laura- cheerios and chickens said...

Just the idea of Laguna Beach makes me weap for the future.

The Daily Show just did a big spoof on it this week. ROTFLMAO.

MommaK said...

I love reality tv. Yes, you can slap me now...

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