20 February 2007

Memory du jour

1986: Most of my friends were male. Once, when we were out dancing, they commiserated to me how awful and soul-crushing it was to ask women to dance and to be turned down.

"If anyone asks me to dance, no matter who it is, I will dance with them," I proclaimed, in a gesture of imagined saintliness. I wasn't going to be one of those Snotty Bitches. I was going to be Sister Suebob of the Dancing Shoes.

Uh oh.

Cut to a vast, crowded club in a college town. Saturday night. A guy came up to ask me to dance. I remember him as being about as attractive as Urkel, a white Urkel. Stringy floppy greasy hair, pants hiked up, windbreaker. Perhaps my mind has embroidered this in the intervening years, but that is how I remember it.

I took a deep breath, smiled my saintliest smile, and went to dance. Big deal - three minutes of my life. What could go wrong? Mmm hmmmm.

At the end of the dance, he gave me a curious little bow. "How old-fashioned," I thought.

Then his hand shot out and honked - HONKED - my breast, giving it a hard squeeze. I expected it to make noise like a bicycle horn almost. He disappeared into the crowd as I stood there, mouth gaping.

I looked around for the little creep but I never found him. Gone.

I told this story to one of my male friends and he said "HE'S THAT GUY! The guy who ruins it for all the rest of us."

******

I was going to post about how much I hate this "The Secret" movie/book thing that Oprah is pimping lately. Basically, The Secret is "what you think about is what you will get out of life."

But I found out that at least 2 blogs have taken it on already: Mike's Weekly Skeptic Rant and The Stupidity Tracker both have nice screeds up. I will post about it myself when I have time.

*******
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12 comments:

happy and blue 2 said...

Ha,ha,ha..That was funny..

Skye said...

I would have totally smacked that guy.

super des said...

Well at least he gets his 15 minutes of fame now... even though you don't know his name and probably screwed up the physical description (it's better that way anyway).

Braindead Betty said...

Maybe he comes from some strange culture where bowing is considered asking permission to honk your boob.

Or maybe he's just a jerk.

Jenny said...

Hey, I think I met that guy a time or two. Ewwww.

TB said...

God, I hate Oprah and the way she takes a perfectly good concept and then acts like she fucking invented it. Hate.

And as for the boob grabber, oh my god. What would you have done if you had found him I wonder?

MsLittlePea said...

I totally had Beavis and Butthead moment just now..hehehe you said boobs!

I saw about 5 minutes of "The Secret" on Oprah and thought, "they need all this to learn to think positive? I could have told them that. I was sitting on this million dollar wisdom all this time." She sure does love her some self-help gurus doesn't she?

Lisa said...

Some other blogger was talking about The Secret lately too. I wonder if that guy who ruins it for every other guy married the psycho woman who ruins it for every other chick and now lives next door to me with their kids who now ruin it for every other kid? Hmmmm. I think so!

Leah said...

my daughter and i were on the treadmills at the gym. oprah is on and it is all thesecretthesecretthesecret.
i'm rolling my eyes a little because i have a hard time with oprah sometimes and then alex turns to me and says, 'Duh! That isn't a secret.'

claire said...

HAAA!! That is hysterical. There is something just so rediculous about a phantom boob-honker. I love that story.

Mr Stapler said...

The Secret is nature's way of distinguishing people who must send me $5.00 tomorrow from the people I call "small-thinking doomed losers."

Alex Elliot said...

What a jerk! I also was not impressed by Oprah's secret.

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