18 March 2006

By the time I get to Arizona

(If you get the obscure title reference, you get an automatic two entries to the BlogHer contest.)

We are in Phoenix (Tempe actually but it all blends together) for Baseball Spring Training, an annual event. Me, Mr. Stapler and 4 friends are here to sit in the sun, drink beers, eat icees and maybe watch some ball.

We took a late flight out of Burbank, giving us plenty of time to get drunk in the airport. I only had two glasses of wine but they were HUUUUUGE, giving credence to my theory that the worse the wine, the larger the pour. I am a cheap drunk, too, so I was well looped by the time the Southwest plane rolled in half an hour late.

Need I remind you that, when flying, you should NOT, NOT, under any circumstances, leave your Swiss army knife at the bottom of your extremely large purse that you always carry because you are an obsessive freak?

This can only lead to the dreaded extended TSA inspection in which they remove and regard every item in said 10-gallon purse with curiosity and disgust. Tampons, of course, six tiny bottles of Bailey's Irish Cream, why yes, tissues, coffee filter, books, notebooks, pens....and on the bottom, way down there with the spilled various medications, the knife. Sigh. Luckily I was drunk enough to not be too embarrassed but not drunk enough to become sullen and argue with them.

In an amazing coincidence, our next door hotel neighbors were drunk too! And NOISY! And very active! Thank Goddess for the earplugs in my vast purse. They were right under the package of cotton balls.

Anyway, we are here. Angels shirts on. Time to slap on the sunscreen.

16 March 2006

I can't get blogger to work tonight. Grrr.

Good golly Miss Molly! I am impressed with the quantity and quality of the entries to the BlogHer DeLurking contest (just comment to be entered, and every comment (one per post) is a new entry, so keep commenting). My little raffle box on top of the fridge is filling up.

It just created one problem: now I have so many great blogs by wonderful, funny, wise, inspiring women bookmarked that I may have to quit my job to have time to read them (I can't read blogs at work because they are blocked! Does the IT security department know me, or what?).

I have been preoccupied lately, so this is going to be a brain-dump kind of post without a real plotline (oh, yeah, like there is ever a plotline). But I promise there will be some good links along the way, so stay with me.

1. Any Da Ali G Show fans out there? Knowing how sick and twisted y'all are (I've SEEN your profiles! Interests: "Having sex and pissing people off." Funny!) there HAVE to be some of you.

Last night I was part of a test audience for the new movie "Borat - the Movie." I may have sworn away my rights to write about it on that form they give you, but I can't remember. I can't take the time to read everything I sign, yeesh.

One of the joys of living in my area - close to movie studios, but just far enough away so they think we are part of average America - is that we get to act as test audiences a lot. Guys stand around the mall, handing out free screening passes to whomever they think fits the target demographic.

Then you show up an hour before the show and get wrangled by lots of young adults with complicated hairstyles. They are all dressed in black and carrying walkie-talkies, cell phones, and blackberries. It is like formal night at MacWorld.

Then you fill out papers with your demographic information, stand in line, maybe get picked for a focus group, get searched in case of video cameras and phones, wait some more, have a guy apologize for the quality of the print/sound/editing/lack of titles, and then watch a movie.

Meanwhile your every move is being recorded by people with digital video cameras in front of the theater and some huge shotgun mics too.

At the end you fill out another form (How was the pacing? What were your favorite scenes? Least favorite? Which characters did you like best?) and, if you are in the focus group, get asked a bunch of questions by a high-energy guy with uber-cool glasses and hair gelled into an unnatural shape.

By then you have been there four hours, so you collect some free movie passes and go home.

"Borat" was much, much funnier than I expected. In fact I was fully anticipating major suckage, but the thing was, at the risk of sounding like Jeffrey Lyons, a real laugh riot.

The character Borat is a Kazakh TV reporter who comes to the U.S., not knowing our customs, and bumbles his way across the country, making offensive remarks and pissing off everyone he meets. He manages to meet and cross the boundaries of feminists, Jews, Christians, Muslims, cowboys, gays, African-Americans, gun owners, politicians, and Pamela Anderson. All good fun.

Offensive, yes, gross, oh yeah, but you already know about my brain, which basically works like that of a fifteen year old boy.

This will be the movie of the summer for teen boys. Prepare to hear them saying "Very nice" in a faux-Kazakh accent about a million times, because it is coming.

2. In case you're thinking you're an introvert (clue: your best friends are all in your computer), go check out this article from The Atlantic Monthly that I found on Kottke the other day. I love how it explains introversion. It manages to include subtle and not-so-subtle jabs at extroverts, because if you're going to feel like a social misfit, you might as well justify it by having a snarky, superior attitude.

I'm not making fun. I am a big introvert from way back (as a toddler I used to hide in the hall closet because I lived in a family of five kids and two adults in a tiny three-bedroom house (one of the bedrooms was the garage)). My co-workers want to go to lunch with me and I'm like "Why?" If it weren't for the internet, I might have 65 cats. Introvert, born and bred.

14 March 2006


I am irked. Irked. I love that word because it sounds exactly like what it is - itchy-wool-sweaterish.

I try not to get overtly political on my blog. I usually save that for my rude comments over at Don't Floss with Tinsel.

But dang this illegal wiretap thing has me worked up. I mean, COME ON! The president of the United States ADMITS he illegally spies on the CITIZENS of this country (despite the existence of a secret court that 99.99% of the time okays this stuff) and somehow that is OKAY??

And the Democrats are just lying there and taking it like the pansy-asses that they are???

Do me a favor. If you have a democratic senator, just mosey over to the Senate website and let them know if you have feelings on the subject. While you are emailing, why not ask them to shut down Guantanamo or at least give prisoners of war due process or treat them by Geneva Convention rules? Just a thought, in the interest of preserving some shred of democracy, human rights and the Constitution.

If you have a Republican senator, God bless you. I think they are beyond redemption.

If you are looking for the BlogHer contest rules, they are two posts down. Or you can comment here and you will be entered.

13 March 2006

Just like I speak Chinese, as a matter of fact

I am a big fan of the Engrish website, so it is no wonder that the mangled English on this Chinese restaurant menu over at Rahoi made me chuckle. Then laugh. Then howl, weeping helplessly.

I can't help it. I really, really want some Cowboy Leg. Or maybe Ginger Bumping Milk.

If you're looking for the Big BlogHer contest, scroll down for the rules! Or comment here and you will be automatically entered.

12 March 2006

Big De-Lurking BlogHer Contest

I pledged to myself that if I got the bonus I wanted at work, I would not only go to BlogHer Con 2006 , but I would sponsor another woman's entry fee. Well. the bonus is in the bank and now the contest is on.

Here are the rules:
1. Only women who have had a public blog since Jan. 1 2006 or before are eligible to play.
2. The prize is your BlogHer registration paid, a $250 value (no, you may not take the cash instead. You have to get your corpus to San Jose California for the event. My largesse is limited.
3. You are responsible for any taxes, fees, license and dealer prep.
4. Here's how to play: comment on my blog. One comment per post. Every comment is like another raffle ticket. Just add on your first comment that you want to play, so I will know to enter you.
5. Contest ends May 15, 2006 so you have time to make plans and buy plane tickets.
6. Feel free to pimp this contest on your blog. The more the merrier.
7. I reserve the right to decide what is a comment and what is not. One word answers, strings of nonsense, ads, offensive meanness, etc. may be tossed out on their ear.
8. Drawing will be random and winner will be notified via a comment on their blog.
9. If you are already registered for BlogHer, you may use the prize for an extremely cool female blogger friend who really needs to go.

Check out the BlogHer website for conference details. It is in beautiful San Jose, CA on July 28 and 29 and should be a hell of a lot of fun. Especially since I am going.

Any questions? Is this a good idea? Did you want to go to BlogHer before?

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