19 December 2006

Remains of the Day

I left a comment over on Amanda's blog, Very Zen about how I felt like my life was a mess, but just how messed up it was would be a subject for my own blog post.

Later that day I checked my stats and a bunch of people had come over here from that comment. What a bunch of voyeurs we are! I would have done the same thing.

I don't feel like writing about my existential angst today, so I will stick to my fallback position, whining about the state of the world.

Things I am done with:

- Bloggers who write a long, impassioned post on why they are quitting blogging, only to return to blogging because everyone leaves such nice comments begging them not to. If you decide you want to quit blogging, I will tell you to go for it. There are enough blogs to go around and there are plenty of better things to do than blogging.

- People who are offended because they don't understand the constitution. It is a nice document. Yes, it does let people say whatever they want to say even if what they are saying is batshit crazy. And it does specifically keep religion out of government. Your religion, their religion, all religion. It doesn't matter what the founding fathers said in letters or speeches. The document that is the foundation of our system of government says no religion, so I am going with that.

- To follow that last one up, I am also done with people who claim that science is some kind of religion. Or that religion is scientific. Hint: if it involves taking things on faith, it isn't science. There were no saddles on dinosaurs. Really.

- People who think stopping at stop signs is optional. They just roll up, whip their head around and then take off, hoping no pedestrians or dogs are in their way.

- The argument over whether lethal injection is cruel and unusual punishment. People who support the death penalty don't care whether Mr. Murderer feels icky before he goes to his Just Reward.

People who are against the death penalty think that the pain and suffering the condemned feels right before death is only a drop in the bucket compared to what is wrong with the rest of the process.

- The low angle of the sun. Ouch in the morning on the way to work, ouch on the way home. I can't see a freaking thing, either. If I run someone over, I am going to use a "the sun made me do it" defense.
******
Now - a game to pimp True Employee Confessions. Let's play True Employee Madlibs. Leave your entries in the comments section.

What do you do when your co-worker is so (adjective) that you want to (verb) every time you see them? What makes them (verb) the way they always (phrase or verb)? Do they really think you want to (verb or phrase) all day long? And are they (adjective) or what?

19 comments:

kerrianne said...

What do you do when your co-worker is so jittery that you want to suggest(medication) every time you see them? What makes them jump! the way they always do when someone pokes out from behind a cubicle to say hello? Do they really think you want to watch them sweating profusely all day long? And are they selling drugs or what?

super des said...

What do you do when your co-worker is so smelly that you want to die every time you see them? What makes them shake the way they always dance? Do they really think you want to pick your nose all day long? And are they retarded or what?

I don't really have an answer for this. I just like mad libs.

K said...

haha. I just wanted to say here here about the leaving your blog quitting your blog but then not because no one wants you too.

just say good bye and then go.

wah.

I suck at mad libs.

Eden said...

Do you think that people claim they're quitting blogging just for the outpouring of support? Sometimes I think people only say they're quitting to get bolstered by comments and e-mails. When people really quit, I find they just kind of trail away. I completely agree w/ your "done with" points ;)

mothergoosemouse said...

I want to be your BFF. Agree with you on all the stuff you're done with.

TB said...

I love it when you do these little manifestos because I almost always agree with you. Right on the the thing about those who meta-blog about quitting blogging and then don't. I think they are mostly just attention whores.

rhea_sun said...

What do you do when your co-worker is so snotty that you want to slap every time you see them? What makes them get up in the morning the way they always complain so bitterly? Do they really think you want to listen to their whine all day long? And are they stooopid or what?

Nancy said...

How fun.

What do you do when your co-worker is so needy that you want to run away every time you see them? What makes them hover the way they always do when they decide they need emotional bolstering? Do they really think you want to hold their hand all day long? And are they one beer short of a six pack or what?

Mignon said...

I really like this "People who are against the death penalty think that the pain and suffering the condemned feels right before death is only a drop in the bucket compared to what is wrong with the rest of the process." Yeah, the pain thing? Who are the people that get all fervor-ish about that? People that don't know shit about the atrocity that is the death penalty.

And I'm very down with the rest of the list, and I'm also sad that I can't do true employee stuff. Because being your own boss makes the whole thing an exercise in schizophrenia.

Mignon said...

Oooh! You got all bossy and started moderating your comments. You go!

Heather B. said...

Ooh speaking of True Employee Confessions, I pimped it today at BlogHer. Because whatever the woman with the red stapler wants, she totally gets. Period.

MrsFortune said...

Oooh!!! Madlibs!!! God I love you. I wish I was employed, I would be so all over true employee confessions, you know that, right? As soon as I have a job you'll be the first to know.


What do you do when your co-worker is so POOPY that you want to FART every time you see them! What makes them STINK! The way they always do when someone LETS GO A BIG OLD STINKY FART? Do they really think you want to watch them HAVE DIARRHEA all day long? Are they CRAPPING or what??

Of course, all madlibs MUST be completely concerned with bowel movements, IMO. Come on, you know you did it as a kid ...

Holly Capote said...

Yes, yes for being disgusted by the blog drama of I'mgoingtoquitohdon'tohnowhateveryoudodon'tquityou'rethebestyou'reSteinbeckandDickensandAngeloutoo.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah said...

What do you do when your co-worker is so annoying that you want to bitch-slap every time you see them? What makes them irritating the way they always have phone sex with the customers? Do they really think you want to hear that shit all day long? And are they depraved or what?

Mr Stapler said...

What do you do when your co-worker is so CANADIAN that you want to DEPORT HIM every time you see him? What makes him EAT DONUTS AND SKATE the way he always DOES THE AFOREMENTIONED DONUT EATING AND SKATING? Do they really think you want to LIVE IN A COUNTRY FULL OF POLITE PEOPLE all day long? And is he a SPY FOR PRIME MINISTER HARPER or what?

SUEB0B said...

Thank you everyone for the lovely Mad Libs. I appreciate it. I also appreciate the BlogHer shoutout, Heather. Smmoooooches.

Kate said...

And this post is why I love reading your blog! Sooo funny.

meno said...

I am so with you on the quittibg blogging thing. Just do it, or don't. Say goodbye and that's that.

lizgwiz said...

Those are some excellent things to be done with. Excellent.

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