26 April 2006

No, how to make MY head explode

I wasn't going to post this. No, I was going to be all nice and shit and let it go. But inspired by IzzyMom's How to Make My Head Explode post, I feel I must relay this.

It is a transcript of a live chat with Natasha, a representative of an online traffic school. I absolutely swear to you that I am not making this up.

RedStapler: Hi. I took your online traffic school and went to a UPS store and took my in-person test and passed with a score of 80%. The confirmation I got said you would transmit the results electronically to the traffic court. But my traffic court demands that I get the certificate, sign it, and deliver it in person. Please help.

Natasha: What county?

RedStapler: (Insert my county here)

Natasha: Hang on. (Five minutes go by).

Natasha: Ok. You have to take the in-person test.

RedStapler: I already did.

Natasha: You have to go to a UPS store and take a test in person.

RedStapler: I took the test in person at a UPS store.

Natasha: You didn't finish the course.

RedStapler: I finished the course, I went to the UPS store, and I took the test.

Natasha: Our records show you didn't take the test.

RedStapler: (pissed) As I said, I took the test and got confirmation that I passed. If you want, I will fax it to you.

Natasha: What was your score?

RedStapler: (pissed again) Once again, 80%. I will fax you the confirmation if you need proof.

Natasha: Once you take the test, we will send you your certificate of completion.

RedStapler: Look. I took the test. I passed the test. I got confirmation that I passed. Now I need the certificate.

Natasha: Oh, wait? You have already taken the test? Do you have the certificate of completion or just the test paperwork?

RedStapler: Give me your fax number. I will fax you the confirmation and you can send me the certificate.

Natasha: You should call our 800 number for advanced support. Maybe they can help you.

Ok, folks, I think we have seen enough here. I demanded the fax number a few more times, got it, ended up calling the 800 number and talking to a fabulously competent (by comparison) person who said my certificate was on the way.

I still can't decide if Natasha didn't speak english well (my suspicion, since she gave me the 800 number like this: 800-667-60-23, which is not the way we do it here) or if she was messing with me for sport.

In any case, my head did not quite explode, nor did I lose it with Natasha and begin shrieking, or even questioning her IQ in all caps. I believe that level of consideration and composure should earn me a brownie from St. Peter when I get to the gates of heaven.

7 comments:

cameo said...

i've said this many times before and i'll say it again. people are stupid. so, did everything work out? you done with it all? whew!

cameo said...

okay, so i realize i look stupid. yea, i did read the part where you said the certificate was on the way. what i meant was, did it really get to you? you done with it all? okay, i'm gonaa go feel stupid in my corner now. bye bye.

SUEB0B said...

Yep, Allah willing, I will have my certificate soon...

SUEB0B said...

I don't expect you to MEMORIZE the post LOL

super des said...

Sadly, one of my favorite things is talking to some idiot customer service person, coming close to jumping through the phone to strangle them, then calling back and getting someone who is competent. This second person is always such a relief that I feel they can solve all of my problems because they are my best friend.

Izzy said...

My head just exploded again. Thanks a lot!

I wonder if Natasha works a second job as a pediatric nurse...

MrsFortune said...

"advanced" support? That sounds like a brand of pantyhose ... but wow. This would go well with your health insurance thingy a while back ...

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