I wasn't going to post this. No, I was going to be all nice and shit and let it go. But inspired by IzzyMom's How to Make My Head Explode post, I feel I must relay this.
It is a transcript of a live chat with Natasha, a representative of an online traffic school. I absolutely swear to you that I am not making this up.
RedStapler: Hi. I took your online traffic school and went to a UPS store and took my in-person test and passed with a score of 80%. The confirmation I got said you would transmit the results electronically to the traffic court. But my traffic court demands that I get the certificate, sign it, and deliver it in person. Please help.
Natasha: What county?
RedStapler: (Insert my county here)
Natasha: Hang on. (Five minutes go by).
Natasha: Ok. You have to take the in-person test.
RedStapler: I already did.
Natasha: You have to go to a UPS store and take a test in person.
RedStapler: I took the test in person at a UPS store.
Natasha: You didn't finish the course.
RedStapler: I finished the course, I went to the UPS store, and I took the test.
Natasha: Our records show you didn't take the test.
RedStapler: (pissed) As I said, I took the test and got confirmation that I passed. If you want, I will fax it to you.
Natasha: What was your score?
RedStapler: (pissed again) Once again, 80%. I will fax you the confirmation if you need proof.
Natasha: Once you take the test, we will send you your certificate of completion.
RedStapler: Look. I took the test. I passed the test. I got confirmation that I passed. Now I need the certificate.
Natasha: Oh, wait? You have already taken the test? Do you have the certificate of completion or just the test paperwork?
RedStapler: Give me your fax number. I will fax you the confirmation and you can send me the certificate.
Natasha: You should call our 800 number for advanced support. Maybe they can help you.
Ok, folks, I think we have seen enough here. I demanded the fax number a few more times, got it, ended up calling the 800 number and talking to a fabulously competent (by comparison) person who said my certificate was on the way.
I still can't decide if Natasha didn't speak english well (my suspicion, since she gave me the 800 number like this: 800-667-60-23, which is not the way we do it here) or if she was messing with me for sport.
In any case, my head did not quite explode, nor did I lose it with Natasha and begin shrieking, or even questioning her IQ in all caps. I believe that level of consideration and composure should earn me a brownie from St. Peter when I get to the gates of heaven.