My shower has been running slowly and I HATE standing in an inch of water by the time I am done. Dran-o has been no help, so I called the landlord to come snake out the pipes.
He sent over his assistant, Randy, yesterday morning. He is a huge man. Randy worked and worked for about an hour, and, covered in sweat, said he couldn't get it fixed.
He said he used to be a plumber and he had never seen anything like this before.
I said I knew he used to be a plumber because I could tell from his sag-ass pants and his visible buttcrack. (No, I didn't say that. But you know I thought about it.)
I said "It's not any better?"
"No," he said. "Now water won't even go down the drain."
Is a tiny String Section of DoomTM beginning to play in your head, too?
Sure enough, I looked at the shower floor, and it was covered with a layer of black muck. Now the inch of water wasn't sounding so bad.
A few hours later the landlord, Steve, came over to try and finish what Randy had started. After much banging and pounding, he broke off his snake in the pipe.
"I'm going to have to re-route the pipe," he said.
My house was built in 1940-something and apparently the plumbing was never really right. It was full of twists and bends and places for greasy hairballs to build up into drain-clogging monsters.
Steve told me his project would probably take all afternoon. I said that was ok since I was going to Mr. Stapler's for the afternoon and night. He assured me that when I got home, all would be well.
Being an early riser, I arrived back here at 8 a.m. to get ready for church.
Steve and Randy were standing in the driveway in their best crappy plumber outfits.
"We have some work to still do," Steve said. "And you can't use the water while we do it."
So I'm sitting here with my Easter bonnet on, listening to the sound of pounding and grinding and the smell of burning metal, clenching my muscles and hoping I don't have to pee until I go to church in half an hour. I'm wondering how a slow-draining shower turned into this debacle. This is my life.
Blessed Easter to you, too.