16 April 2006

And a blessed Easter to you

My shower has been running slowly and I HATE standing in an inch of water by the time I am done. Dran-o has been no help, so I called the landlord to come snake out the pipes.

He sent over his assistant, Randy, yesterday morning. He is a huge man. Randy worked and worked for about an hour, and, covered in sweat, said he couldn't get it fixed.

He said he used to be a plumber and he had never seen anything like this before.

I said I knew he used to be a plumber because I could tell from his sag-ass pants and his visible buttcrack. (No, I didn't say that. But you know I thought about it.)

I said "It's not any better?"

"No," he said. "Now water won't even go down the drain."

Is a tiny String Section of DoomTM beginning to play in your head, too?

Sure enough, I looked at the shower floor, and it was covered with a layer of black muck. Now the inch of water wasn't sounding so bad.

A few hours later the landlord, Steve, came over to try and finish what Randy had started. After much banging and pounding, he broke off his snake in the pipe.

"I'm going to have to re-route the pipe," he said.

My house was built in 1940-something and apparently the plumbing was never really right. It was full of twists and bends and places for greasy hairballs to build up into drain-clogging monsters.

Steve told me his project would probably take all afternoon. I said that was ok since I was going to Mr. Stapler's for the afternoon and night. He assured me that when I got home, all would be well.

Being an early riser, I arrived back here at 8 a.m. to get ready for church.

Steve and Randy were standing in the driveway in their best crappy plumber outfits.

"We have some work to still do," Steve said. "And you can't use the water while we do it."

So I'm sitting here with my Easter bonnet on, listening to the sound of pounding and grinding and the smell of burning metal, clenching my muscles and hoping I don't have to pee until I go to church in half an hour. I'm wondering how a slow-draining shower turned into this debacle. This is my life.

Blessed Easter to you, too.

8 comments:

Izzy said...

Just sag ass and butt-crack? No muffin top??? Sorry about the water... Happy Rabbits and Candy Day :)

gandhi rules said...

Lol, sorry to laugh but it reminds me of that time on Mountain View when the septic tank clogged and shit came seeping out of the ground right under my bedroom window. Remember that? Or the tree roots that grew into the toilet pipes? I'm not sure but bad pipes seem to follow you.

MrsFortune said...

Um, Iz - what's "muffin top" mean ... sorry to show my ignorance.

Sorry for the shit, Sue! (Couldn't resist that alliteration). At least easter doesn't involve eating a lot of prunes and metamucil. Hope nobody replaces your chocolate bunnies with ex-lax.

Hey, did Mr. Stapler ever name that adorable dog???

Janet Evening said...

You have a tiny string section of doom? Mine plays chimes...

cameo said...

i once made $80 potato salad! i called it that because that's how much the plumber cost to come and snake out all the potato skins i sent down the garbage disposal. don't you just love plumbing? isn't it wonderful when you are faced with sludge, and unmoving bio-hazard? hope it all flushes out. and yea, i was wondering, too, what the new baby dog was named.

SUEB0B said...

A "muffin-top" I learned just the other day, is that roll of fat that bulges out over low-rise (or sag-ass) jeans.

Gandhi - ah yes, the fun of Mtn View poop. The last year I lived there (and about the third time that poop had bubbled up into Bianca's yard) I found out that poor Bianca had been cleaning it up every time...I had assumed the plumbers did it but no. EEEEEch.

The dog's name is (drum roll please) Kelly. Which is the name she came from the pound with. Mr. Stapler has not been in a terribly creative mood lately.

We had $80 sweet potatoes one Thanksgiving LOL. Same problem.

spotted elephant said...

Ehhhh, sorry to hear that. Plumbing problems are gross.

We have a slow drain in our tub, and now I'm thinking about just leaving it alone. :)

super des said...

once I had the exact smae problem... except for the fact that it began in the toilet instead of the shower. you can imagine the mess, and the fun times we had. Luckily I didn't have to clean it up.

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